


Closing in

by professorriversong



Category: Doctor Who
Genre: F/M, angsty, some violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-06-09
Updated: 2015-09-19
Packaged: 2017-12-14 11:55:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 19
Words: 36,466
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/836601
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/professorriversong/pseuds/professorriversong
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>River could sense that something was wrong. This wasn’t a hearing; she wasn’t being questioned she was being told.<br/>‘What does that mean, exactly?’<br/>‘It means, Miss Song, that you aren’t going to get away with this any longer.’</p>
<p>River is running, from Stormcage and from the truth, and there is only one person she can run to.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This takes place for River after the crash of the Byzantium, though that adventure is merely mentioned. Not sure how long this will be but hoping that it will be a fair few chapters in the end.

‘Can I trust you, River Song?’ he asked, that twinkle of youth still sparkling in his eye.

‘If you like,’ River smiled playfully, ‘but where’s the fun in that?’ She could feel the sensation of teleportation beam encircling her, pulling her away from her Doctor so she kept her eyes on him until the very last moment. He was so young, his hair a little floppier and his tone a little less familiar; he hardly knew who she was at all.

 

This was the first time Amy had met her, without a single clue as to who she was. The purpose of this mission for her had always been to do what she could to earn a pardon from prison, with the high probability of meeting the Doctor on the way simply an added bonus. But this time, it had been harder than it had before.

 

River had been forced to watch the man she loved slipping away from her for some time, though this was younger than she had ever seen him. It was a gentle reminder that everything had an expiration date, and no matter how much she tried to run away from it the day was coming when she would have to face a man who didn’t know her at all. A shiver ran down her spine, like ice water dripping down her back. It was the mere thought of this which kept her awake at night, which darkened every good memory of her husband; and it was closing in on her.

 

She hardly realised as the prison ship materialised around her. River found herself in a small cell, grey in every sense of the word and with nothing but a bolted door to stare at. _What a lovely welcome back,_ she thought bitterly and started to pace the short length of the room– she never had been good at waiting. She wasted a little time getting out of her handcuffs, but they weren’t even a very challenging pair and soon she was back pacing again.

 

After a few minutes, River guessed that they wouldn’t miss her for a moment or two and pulled the vortex manipulator out from her back pocket. It was just something she had to do. Strapping the device on her wrist and punching in the co-ordinates, River noted the exact time to return to so that she wasn’t missed. If all went to plan no-one would ever even know that she was gone, though that was rarely the case. She was the sort of prisoner who could never go unnoticed.

 

The night she arrived on was in no way special or different from any other, and that was how she wanted it. Having seen her mother so young, before she even knew that she had a daughter, River needed just a few minutes with Amy and her father on a truly unremarkable night to wipe the slate clean. She tried not to let things like that bother her; after all it was the consequence of a time traveller’s life, but she would be lying if she said that it didn’t from time to time.

 

River appeared in the garden, not exactly where she had been aiming for but quite close considering her untrustworthy method of transport. Amy was sitting there with a bottle of wine for the both of them, watching the skies as meteors fell like fallen angels. She was sad, that much was apparent, and when River worked out why she realised that it wasn’t going to be the straightforward evening she had hoped for. Still, it was nice to give someone good news once in a while.

 

In a moment they were hugging, and River felt a warmth spread through her as Amy’s face brightened like the light of the meteors flecking the night sky.

‘Hey?’ They broke apart and River saw her father standing in the doorway, looking more than a little confused.

‘He’s not dead, he’s not dead!’ Amy cried, pulling her husband into an embrace.

‘Are you sure, River? Are you really, properly sure?’ She smiled at him.

‘Of course I’m sure, I’m his wife!’ She never tired of saying that. The words always made her hearts skip a beat, and it was the one thing in life she could hold on to when everything else seemed to fall apart.

‘Yes! And I'm his... mother-in-law,’ Amy realised, horror dawning on her face.

 

They laughed and drank until the first rays of sunlight began to peak above the hedges, and River’s face fell.

‘Oh no is it morning already?’ she realised, jumping to her feet and trying to remember what time she had left.

‘Do you have to go?’ Amy asked. ‘It feels like I haven’t seen you in ages and I don’t know when I’ll see you again.’

‘I was supposed to be on the prison ship, waiting to be taken back to Stormcage,’ she explained, ‘if they find out that I left…well I will be in trouble, put it that way.’

‘But you escape all the time,’ Rory pointed out, ‘surely once more won’t matter?’

‘It does if you’re trying to get pardoned.’

River kissed both of her parents on the cheek and uttered quick goodbyes before typing the correct numbers into the vortex manipulator and bracing herself against the turbulent winds of the time vortex.

 

When she opened her eyes, River was back in the stifling grey cell. For a moment, she assumed that she had got away with it and started to breathe a sigh of relief. She was wrong.

 

She felt the heat of their breath on her neck before the force of a boot on the back of her legs caused her to fall clumsily to the floor, like a new born deer struggling to walk. It caught her by surprise and she landed heavily on her right arm sending a jolt of pain up to her shoulder. Ignoring it, River managed to steady herself and get onto all fours before another kick caught her right in the stomach, taking the wind out of her as she crumpled back to the floor. 


	2. Chapter 2

‘Thought you could just disappear, Doctor Song?’ It was a man’s voice, but not one that she recognised. It was deep, strong and mocking as if all this man wanted to do was hurt her until he grew bored. River couldn’t find the words to respond with something witty before she was being dragged to her feet and pushed back against the wall.

 

The guard kept one hand around her neck as he used the other to pin her free arm back. He was young, maybe twenty five year old, but his eyes were darkened and void of youthful innocence. She could see that he thought his uniform gave him power enough to do as he pleased, and the smirk on his face did not suggest that it pleased him to let her go. There was another guard standing behind them, who as of yet had not spoken though showed no signs of moving to stop his colleague. The coward, River thought coldly, the follower.

 

‘Get off me,’ she warned, trying to maintain eye contact with the guard to show that she would never be afraid of him.

‘Took a little trip did we? Where did we go this time, hmm? To him?’ River felt her cheeks flush and cursed herself for it. These were not men to show weakness in front of.

‘Well maybe next time you’ll think twice about it, if we give you a little lesson.’

 

She didn’t like where this was going. He was too strong to fight, even given her considerable strength, and he had pushed his body so close to hers that she could hardly move. His eyes glistened black like the devil’s, with no soul hidden behind them.

 

He forced his mouth onto hers, his tongue pushing into her mouth so that she was almost choking. River tried to move her arms but one was trapped beneath his body and the other was being held so tightly she wondered if her wrist might break from the pressure. The sensation was sickening, so much so that she felt stomach acid rise and burn her throat. He released his hand from her throat, brute force alone preventing her from moving away, and thrust it up her top until he found what he was looking for.

 

River couldn’t breathe, her mind becoming clouded as he refused to give her even the slightest freedom of movement. The realisation of what was about to happen dawned on her and for a moment she wasn’t River Song, defender of the universe and wife to the great Time Lord; no, she was Melody, the frightened little girl who couldn’t bear the thought of this terrible human being touching her.

 

His hand began to lower from beneath her top, trying to wrestle beneath the waistband of her trousers, but that was enough. With all of the strength she could gather River pushed him away and although it wasn’t enough for him to release his grip he was forced to tear his mouth away from hers. This gave her the time to react, spitting in his face before head-butting him; that was enough to get him off.

 

He reeled back, wiping the spit from his eye but River was too exhausted to move and where would she go if she could? The room was smaller than her cell at Stormcage, and the door was locked and bolted. There was nowhere to run. Her head was pounding from where they had collided giving her little stability on her feet, and she had no time to prepare before her attacker recovered.

 

He came at her like a man possessed, grabbing her by the hair and throwing her across the room with all of his strength. River hit the wall hard, her head taking the brunt of the blow, and slid down onto the floor seeing stars flash before her eyes.

‘That’s enough Baines,’ she heard the previously silent guard said, ‘you’ve had a go they only wanted her intimidated not…not this.’

‘Are you questioning me?’ Baines snarled. ‘I can do whatever I like, because she’s nothing. She isn’t worth the air she uses to breathe and someone needs to remind her of that. Have you forgotten what she did, who she is?’

 

River couldn’t see what was going on, but the other guard had fallen silent and she heard the footsteps of the one he called Baines moving towards her. She tried not to flinch as he dragged her up by her jacket. The door opened.

‘Baines, Jackson,’ a third voice said in greeting.

‘Commander,’ they replied in unison.

‘Baines put her down they need to take her in for questioning.’

‘Yes Sir.’

 

Without a care, Baines let go and River dropped to the floor. Her head was swimming, her stomach turning over and it was all she could do not to vomit. She opened her eyes, blinking several times before her surroundings came into focus and put a hand to her throbbing head. The warm, scarlet blood coated her fingertips as it oozed from the wound.

‘Up,’ Baines grunted. It was difficult to find her balance, but River did as she was told and tried to look as strong as she could despite her bloody forehead. She hadn’t been able to fight him off this time, but she was damned if she was going to show them just how close they had gotten to really hurting her.

 

The third man without a name walked slowly over to her. He was wearing one of the church’s uniforms, a high ranking commander by the sound of it though she had never had the displeasure of dealing with him. River guessed that he had been the head of the taskforce, before most of his men had been murdered. He took her arm roughly and tore the vortex manipulator off, throwing it to the ground and crushing it with the heel of his boot. River didn’t react, but she had loved that little thing. It had almost always taken her where she needed to go, and they were incredibly hard to come by. Now she was stuck on the slow path.

 

‘Won’t be needing that for any more little jaunts, will we?’

‘How long was I gone?’ River asked nonchalantly.

‘Two minutes,’ he replied, ‘but that’s not why you’re still here.’

‘Then why?’

A smirk passed across his elderly face, each line crinkling as his eyes lit up.

‘You’ll see. With me.’

 

He walked unusually fast and River had to jog at times to keep up with him, ignoring her increasing levels of dizziness. They went through more corridors than she could count, up and down stairs until she was sure that they were just leading her around the ship to see if she would drop; like hell she would. River was shaken, she couldn’t deny it, but she had never admitted defeat before and this wasn’t the day to start.

 

He walked unusually fast and River had to jog at times to keep up with him, ignoring her increasing levels of dizziness. They went through more corridors than she could count, up and down stairs until she was sure that they were just leading her around the ship to see if she would drop; like hell she would. River was shaken, she couldn’t deny it, but she had never admitted defeat before and this wasn’t the day to start.

 

Finally, they reached a door and she was led through to an interrogation style room with one glass wall and a table at the room’s centre with one chair on either side. She took a seat without invitation, after flashing her middle finger to anyone on the other side of the two-way mirror. River removed her jacket, hanging it off the back of the chair and waited for someone to say something. Nobody did.

 

‘You are excused,’ the commander told Baines and Jackson, who left if begrudgingly. River was glad that they were gone, but she was fully aware that it was not going to be the last time she encountered them.

‘So,’ River said, turning to the only man left in the room, ’Commander.’ Commander what?’

‘Just Commander,’ he replied stiffly, without even glancing in her direction.

‘Bob? Bill? No…you’re more of a Richard,’ she continued, a smiled playing across her lips. She had to show him that they wouldn’t change her ways just because they tried to rough her up and the fuming expression on the Commander’s face told her she had done just that.

 

‘Fine, have it your way,’ shrugged River, ‘but I have to say it’s all a bit mysterious. Like this whole situation really – one minute you’re working with the clerics and the next-‘

‘ _With_ the clerics? You murdered Father Octavian and all of his men are dead. How is that working with the clerics?’

‘I…I didn’t kill Father Octavian, he was murdered by the threat we were there to dispose of,’ River answered firmly. ‘I did what was asked of me.’

‘It wasn’t asked of you to lead those men to slaughter,’ spat the Commander, ‘and there is no trace of this threat you speak of back at the Byzantium, none at all. So why should we believe a word you say?’

 

Before River was given a chance to defend herself, the door opened and a thin young woman came in.

‘At ease,’ she told the Commander gently, ‘you are no longer needed here.’ He left at once, proving to River that this woman had power despite her meagre form. She was tall but very slight with dark mahogany skin. Her body had little shape to it beneath the bland grey suit which lay flat against her body. The look in her eyes gave her away, piercing light blue and yet still dark without a hint of softness. Not someone to be messed with.

 

She sat across from River, placing a thin folder on the table between them.

‘Doctor River Song?’

‘That’s what they call me.’

‘You appear to be bleeding,’ she pointed out without a hint of emotion in her voice.

‘I think I’ll survive,’ answered River coolly.

‘Very well. I am Charlotte Manton, one of the new members of the board at Stormcage,’ she explained. ‘With a new governing body at the facility, some changes needed to be made – starting with you, Doctor Song.’

‘Me?’ River asked, trying to appear unfazed by the situation. ‘What did I ever do? Well…apart from the obvious.’

‘Doctor Song you have the thickest file on record,’ Charlotte informed her.

‘And?’

‘And following your actions at Alfava Metraxis as well as your numerous escape attempts we are re-evaluating your status.’

 

River could sense that something was wrong. This wasn’t a hearing; she wasn’t being questioned she was being told.

‘What does that mean, exactly?’

‘It means, Miss Song, that you aren’t going to get away with this any longer.’

 

Xxx

 

 

 


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> River's back at Stormcage, but when the Doctor arrives all she wants to do is run away with him

When they landed, Baines escorted River back to her cell. Her hands were clenched into fists, prepared if he thought about trying anything again, but she had to be realistic; he was six feet and three inches at least, with muscles you couldn’t fail to notice even beneath a cleric’s uniform. Had he not been such a pig he might have been attractive, but brute force and anger had taken away any charm he might once have possessed.

They were both silent until they reached the empty cell where River spent far too much of her time, when Baines opened the door and shoved her in harshly. She had assumed that with the security cameras around he wouldn’t dare follow her in but he did and he pulled her around to face him.  
‘I’ve got my eye on you,’ he hissed.   
‘You’re just a cleric,’ River reminded him, keeping her voice from wavering, ‘you have no business here.’  
‘Good thing I got transferred then,’ grinned Baines, and River could tell by his smile that he wasn’t joking.   
‘You’ll never get away with whatever you are thinking of doing,’ she breathed, just loud enough for him to hear.  
‘I think I will,’ he whispered. ‘New management and all; plus if I got caught I have an excuse.’  
‘What’s that then?’  
‘Provocation,’ he laughed.  
‘I had never even met you before today, what did I-‘  
‘Octavian,’ Baines interrupted, moving closer to River until she was backed against the wall, ‘or as I called him, Uncle.’ His eyes were flashing like the lightning which raged outside, burning with hatred.  
‘I didn’t kill your Uncle,’ River tried, knowing that he wouldn’t believe it.  
‘Try telling him that.’

Baines grabbed her face with his powerful hand, proving his strength without question. He threw her back against the wall and left, locking the door behind her. She waited until she heard his footsteps fade before she let her legs go weak and slid down onto the floor with a groan. River let her sore head fall into her hands for a moment, trying to figure out what she was going to do.

Stormcage had always been somewhere she felt, if not in charge, at least at ease. Yes she was there on a murder charge but she didn’t have to feel guilty when every so often the man she had killed turned up and took her away on an adventure. She was in control because of the fact that she could escape whenever she wanted to and swan back in when she felt like it; not any more. It would be more difficult to sneak out, and when she eventually did come back…she didn’t want to think about it.

River eventually pulled herself to her feet though every instinct told her to stay lying on the floor. She went over to the small sink in the corner of her room and looked at the damage in the mirror. Blood from her head wound had trickled down her cheek, framing her face in scarlet, and her lip had split. She looked terrible, but at least these wounds were superficial and easily hidden. River’s arm twinged whenever she moved it, and she could feel bruises forming across her abdomen and ribcage. 

It would heal soon enough, in a day or two at most, but it would be painful. The little regeneration energy she had retained after giving her lives to the Doctor sped up the healing process but it didn’t make it any more pleasant. River took a cloth and wiped the blood from her face; the wound itself was small enough to disguise beneath her hair. 

It took an hour or so, but when she was done she looked almost acceptable. She sat on her bed, feeling it sag beneath her weight as the springs creaked in protest. Lifting up her vest River looked at the tender bruises forming on her pale skin. Most were just small, but there was one across her left side which had spread across her ribs and was turning a deep purple colour.

Fumbling in her drawers she found a roll of bandage material and wound it twice around her middle to protect the delicate area and pinned it carefully. You could see the slight puff of it through her vest if you took the time to look for it, but it wasn’t too noticeable. 

River shivered, the cold winds swirling around her cell and caressing her skin with an icy touch. She had left the jacket on the ship, and didn’t really have anything much more substantial to wear in her small chest of drawers. From beneath her pillow she recovered her diary, and curled up in the corner of the bed thumbing carefully through the pages. This was all that she had to keep her sane at times, her memories of the Doctor and their adventures together. It was what she held on to when he wasn’t around to stop her from falling.

Despite the cold and the aching in her head River felt her eyes closing, and leant her head against the wall to succumb to sleep. It wasn’t often that she allowed herself time for rest, and as a part Time Lord she didn’t need quite as much as normal humans, but now it felt as if she was being dragged down into the depths of blackness and she was powerless to stop it.

She woke with a start, sitting bolt upright and breathing heavily. Sweat glistened on her forehead and her hearts were beating avidly against her chest. River couldn’t remember the dream, but she could still feel the fear escaping from her subconscious and bleeding into reality. She felt no more refreshed from the little sleep she had, though her arms seemed to have healed a little and her ribs no longer hurt with every breath; that was something she supposed.

River stumbled to the sink and was washing her face, her hearts still pounding, when she heard it - the unmistakable sound of the Tardis. Quickly brushing back her wild tangled curls and drying her face she turned to see the Doctor opening her cell with a flick of his sonic. Seeing his face made her smile, in spite of everything, and she realised how much she needed him in that moment.

‘Doctor,’ she grinned.  
‘Doctor Song,’ he replied playfully, ‘what trouble have you been getting into while I’ve been away?’  
‘Oh nothing much,’ River dismissed moving closer to him.  
‘I don’t believe it for a second.’  
She reached up and kissed him, just wanting to feel his lips against hers in comfort. He was surprised at first, but put his arms around her and responded tenderly. As they pulled apart he put a gentle hand on her face and stroked her cheek with his thumb.  
‘Are you okay?’ the Doctor asked, looking into her eyes and seeing something he couldn’t quite place behind that sparkle of life he always saw.  
‘Fine,’ she lied, smiling emptily, ‘I’m fine. Are we going somewhere?’

The Doctor sensed that she didn’t want to talk about it, so he obliged. Kissing her on the forehead he grabbed her hand and led her into the Tardis whose doors closed behind them.   
‘I thought Italy, Rome, gladiators fighting in the Colosseum.’ River laughed at his excitement, pushing her own feelings out of the way and deciding to enjoy their time together.  
‘Hot Italian men half naked and wrestling in the sun,’ she teased, ‘I think I might enjoy that.’

The look of confusion on his face was priceless, but River just laughed again and the sound of it, like music, was enough for him to let it go.  
‘Are you driving?’   
‘Not this time’ River said shaking her head, ‘I have to get changed. I’m sure we will be exactly where we are supposed to be by the time I get back.’  
‘Was that a hint of sarcasm my darling wife?’ the Doctor called to her as she disappeared down the steps.  
‘Just a little,’ she answered.

He smiled, flicking every switch a little more carefully to try and get them to the right place. Still there was something on his mind, or rather hers, that was getting to him. Something was wrong and River didn’t want to tell him. Perhaps it was a spoiler he couldn’t know, but eventually he would have to ask. Seeing her like this, not quite there, was worrying him more than he could say.

Walking to the wardrobe River held back tears. It felt as if everything in her life was being taken from her control, and that she didn’t like. She knew that she was running away from her problems, and she knew that she could only run for so long before she would have to go back, but she was running all the same. He would ask, eventually, and she would have to tell him; but not today. Today she could pretend that she was fine and enjoy waltzing through the Flavian dynasty of Rome with her husband on her arm. And for today, that would be enough.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> River tries to forget as she and the Doctor visit Rome, but her secrets aren't far behind and the Doctor is beginning to notice.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not my favourite chapter as it has been hard to write, bit of a filler but the next one will be more like the first two with a little less running about.

River looked in the mirror one last time, adjusting her wayward hair behind her ears and breathing deeply. In truth she had been lingering a little longer than she needed to in the wardrobe, but it wasn’t exactly the perfect place to hide. She had found a long white dress similar enough to the toga-style stolae worn by women of the time though thankfully it was a little more flattering to her figure. Draping the thin white shawl across her shoulders she decided that she was as ready as she would ever be and walked back to the Tardis console.

 

The Doctor was waiting patiently, as ever, messing with his bow tie and somehow still not managing to get it straight.

‘Oh come here,’ River fussed, lifting her skirts as she walked up the stairs and taking the bow tie in her nimble fingers.

‘There,’ she said once it was finally straight, ‘you’ll fit right in.’ The Doctor hadn’t spoken a word, which for him was always unusual and River looked at him with an eyebrow raised.

‘What is it? Is the dress too much? I knew it, I should just-‘ she started to turn back to the wardrobe when the Doctor lightly caught her arm and turned her back to face him.

‘You look…amazing,’ he told her, his playful façade fading away and his expression sincere.

 

River could feel heat rising in her cheeks.

‘Thank you sweetie,’ she smiled. He always knew exactly what to say.

‘Shall we?’ asked the Doctor, offering his arm.

‘Geronimo,’ she whispered, taking it and walking out with him into the intense heat of Rome in the summer.

 

There wasn’t even a wisp of cloud in the cerulean sky and the sun was so bright that at first it was blinding. Heat radiated from the ground, and without a breath of wind it had nowhere to go. They had landed in the middle of a marketplace just across from the Colosseum, towering over them in all its glory. There were people everywhere, merchants selling on their stalls and musicians playing to the crowds flooding towards the great monument; the city felt alive.

 

‘I’ll meet you by the fountain,’ the Doctor whispered in her ear.

‘Where are you going?’

‘Supplies,’ was all River heard before her husband pecked her on the cheek and disappeared amongst the masses. She shook her head, but knowing him as well as she did River didn’t take it as a slight.

 

The fountain was quite large, with a marble statue spouting water at its centre and a rim of stone surrounding it. There were children playing in the cool water, taking solace from the noon day heat and laughing as they splashed each other. River smiled, perching on the edge of the stone. She noticed another woman sitting a few feet away with dark ebony hair flowing down her back. She was young, maybe twenty years old, and there was nothing special about her at all; but River noticed her all the same.

 

She was carrying a small child in her arms, a baby of six months or less who was crying and kicking the air, wrestling against her mother. The woman merely smiled, dabbing her hand in the cool water and brushing it across the baby’s head. She sang softly, words River could not quite make out though she could tell that it was a lullaby and the baby stopped crying at once. It reached a hand out towards the younger woman, grabbing her finger with its small fist and holding on tightly.

 

It was a beautiful sight to behold, a young mother and her baby, but as she watched them River felt despondent. She couldn’t explain why, not even to herself, but the way the child gripped its mother’s hand so tightly physically pained her to see. It was unconditional love, pure and untainted. Her throat was dry as she swallowed, trying to stop herself from looking and yet not able to look away.

River knew that she would never know that love. She wouldn’t sing lullabies, or rock a child to sleep in her arms and she hadn’t known that she really wanted to. Not until then. Not until she realised that she never could

 

‘What are you doing?’

River jumped as the Doctor touched her shoulder, bringing her back to reality.

‘Sorry,’ he apologised quickly, backing off.

‘No don’t be silly,’ she dismissed, ‘I was lost in thought I suppose, didn’t hear you coming.’ She glanced back over her shoulder, but the woman wasn’t there.

‘I got supplies,’ the Doctor grinned handing her an ice cream.

‘What? Doctor ice cream wasn’t around in the first century.’

‘Not true,’ he argued, ‘they used to flavour ice for the Roman Emperors and even the Persians did in 400BC.’

‘Yes, but they didn’t have raspberry ripple and waffle cones,’ she smiled.

‘It’s called improvising and I won’t hear a bad word said about raspberry ripple,’ the Doctor insisted, sitting down next to her.

 

‘So how long do you think it will be before we have to run away?’ asked River. The Doctor shook his head.

‘Not today,’ he assured her, ‘no running away, I promise.’

‘Don’t make promises you can’t keep.’ River had been given too many broken vows to trust even the most light hearted.

‘Okay,’ he admitted, ‘I can’t promise that. But I can promise…er…’

‘Just promise you’ll run with me.’

The Doctor leant over and kissed her tenderly, the taste of raspberries lingering on his lips.

‘Always,’ he whispered. ‘You ready?’

 

They finished their ice creams and walked up to a guard at one of the many entrances to the Colosseum.

‘And you are?’ he asked gruffly. The Doctor pulled out his psychic paper, handing it to him.

‘I see,’ he said, ‘with me then Doctor.’

They followed him into the great monument, almost jogging to keep up with his fast pace.

 ‘Who are we this time?’ whispered River. The Doctor looked at the paper.

‘The Doctor and Mrs Song, guests on invitation from Emperor Nero,’ he announced.

‘And if someone introduces the Emperor’s special guests to the Emperor himself…’

‘Then we may have a problem,’ the Doctor said, as if it was the least important thing in the world. River smiled. Somehow when he looked at her, nothing else seemed to matter. They would take the day as it came and savour every moment.

 

The guard took them to the royal box, which thankfully was vacant apart from a table of food and some chairs which the Doctor immediately took to. The view across the arena was spectacular, and already crowds of thousands were crammed into the stands below. The chairs were made from carved ivory and covered in furs for comfort, and the Doctor had chosen the largest central seat which was clearly reserved for the Emperor. River shook her head and thought she would let him figure that one out by himself.

 

The entertainment started with a man entering the the arena, at least seven feet tall with a red cape and armour. The crowds cheered for him, but they were far more excited when a lion was released behind him.

‘Have I impressed you yet?’ The Doctor asked, slumped low in his seat.

‘Don’t you always?’

‘Well…yes,’ the Doctor grinned, ‘but I wanted today to be special.’

‘Why is that then?’ River questioned.

‘Do I need a reason?’

River looked at him with an eyebrow raised and crossed her arms.

‘Oh alright,’ he gave in. ‘You’re stuck in prison, and sometimes I forget that. When I saw you today in your cell…well you looked a little down and I wanted to remind you that I’ll always get you out of there.’

She wanted to tell him. She really did, but she stopped herself. Never let him see the damage. What was the point in them both being miserable? He couldn’t help her, so why let him worry over what he couldn’t control? No, it was better to keep him in the dark and use him to take her mind off everything for a little while than worry him. Better and kinder, though to who she still wasn’t sure.

‘I was just tired, that’s all. I was at the Byzantium with you the day before and I didn’t get any sleep. It’s nothing really.’

‘Oh the Byzantium with the Ponds! I remember that I was all knew and floppy haired.’

River smiled and watched the man and lion circling for a while before rising to get some wine from the table.

 

She poured herself a tall glass and sipped it gently, allowing the cool sensation to wash away her darkest thoughts and dull her senses. Another man entered the room in a large white toga followed by a group of young girls and two guards. He was large of stature, his face bright red and his stomach protruding far out in front of him; it looked like a task for him to even walk.

‘Wine,’ he barked, and one of the girls ran straight over to pour him a glass. He took it from her roughly and drank it straight down, thrusting it back at her.

‘More.’

‘It is common courtesy to say thank you,’ River pointed out. The large man looked at her, shocked that she would even speak to him at first but a broad smile spread quickly across his face.

‘A lady such as yourself would know, I suppose,’ he said, walking towards her. She had caught his attention. ‘What’s your name?’

‘River,’ she answered, ‘if it pleases my liege.’ The Emperor didn’t detect the sarcasm in her tone.

‘Lovely name for a lovely woman,’ he leered. ‘Yes lovely…I would delight in your company, my lady.’

‘Well I’m not sure what my husband would have to say about that.’

‘Husband?’ River pointed to the Doctor who hadn’t really caught on to the situation as of yet and was just throwing grapes in the air, trying to catch them in his mouth.

‘Well I’m sure he wouldn’t miss you for a night.’ The Emperor was getting a little too close for comfort and River took a step back.

‘Sorry sweetie, but I prefer a man who doesn’t need a crane to help him out of the bed in the morning. If you took a Pilates class or two then maybe I could reconsider your kind offer.’

 

This time he understood what she was saying and his already red face turned beetroot.

‘Are you calling me fat?’

‘River what did you do?’ The Doctor asked, realising what was going on and trying not to laugh.

‘And who exactly are you?’ the Emperor roared, looking at the skinny man in the bow tie sitting across his throne.

‘Ah, well, yes…River?’

‘I think it’s time to run sweetie,’ she smiled, throwing her wine in the Emperor’s face and dropping the glass as she darted around him towards the exit. The Doctor jumped out of the chair and followed her.

 

They ran down the stairs, hearing the guard coming after them and the Doctor slipped his hand into River’s.

‘Didn’t take long did it,’ she laughed.

‘I wasn’t the one who told the Emperor to do some exercise!’

‘Well someone needed to tell him.’

 

A few feet before the outer archway they ran straight into a guard with the broadest shoulders River had ever seen.

‘Stop there,’ he growled. River could hear the others coming behind them and reacted at once, leaning up and kissing him on lips.

‘River!’ the Doctor hissed.

‘What the…right away Cleopatra,’ the guard said, standing to one side and giving a dazed salute. River started running again and pulled the Doctor with her.

‘When did you get the hallucinogenic lipstick out?’ he shouted as they weaved through the crowds back to the Tardis.

‘Spoilers,’ she teased with a smile.

 

They stumbled back into the Tardis, and the Doctor cast them into the vortex as quickly as he could. ‘I can’t take you anywhere,’ the Doctor said breathing heavily.

‘Well we were going to get thrown out anyway I thought that I would have some fun,’ River grinned, catching her breath. ‘It was a shame thought that wine was quite nice.’

The Doctor ran over to River and grabbed her around the waist from behind making her shriek in surprise. He kissed her neck and held her close.

 

When he pulled away River had to stop herself from sighing and begging him to stay with his arms curled around her, but she beamed all the same leaning back against the railings and watching him trying to pilot the Tardis with amusement.

‘Right then Doctor Song,’ he said eventually, ‘back to Stormcage.’

‘No,’ River blurted out before she could stop herself. The Doctor looked at her, confused. She cursed herself for being so thoughtless.

‘I mean…I could stay for another hour or two, there’s nothing to hurry me back. We didn’t spend that long in Rome after all.’

 

The Doctor left the console and went to her, his eyes a picture of concern. She had sounded almost desperate not to go back to prison, and though he knew she was never exactly eager she had never reacted like that. River smiled at him but it didn’t reach her eyes, which seemed clouded by an emotion the Doctor couldn’t place.

‘River, what’s-‘ he started, but before he could ask the Tardis jolted and they were thrown back. River fell awkwardly on her arm and the Doctor had to grab onto the railings to keep himself upright. He managed to get back to the console, but whatever he did he couldn’t seem to stop the ship falling through the time vortex. The turbulence was terrible, enough to make anyone feel ill, and for a while everything was upside down.

 

When they finally landed the Tardis stopped shaking and the Doctor stood up to get his bearings. He saw River had fallen and went to help her up though she shooed him away and slowly pulled herself to her feet.

‘What was that?’ she asked, trying to stop her head from spinning.

‘I don’t know,’ the Doctor answered, ‘are you okay?’

‘Fine. Did you leave the brakes off?’

‘I…I don’t think so…’ He checked the monitors and realised that the Tardis had switched herself off.

‘She must have lost power,’ River said, pushing her hair from her face. ‘I suppose she’s found a fixed point to feed from for a few hours until she’s re-energised; we could be anywhere.’

 

The Doctor poked his head out of the front doors.

‘RMS Titanic,’ he called back. River groaned. The sinking of the Titanic was one of the 20th Century’s greatest fixed points, an event where not one detail could be changed. Them being there was a little more than dangerous, and they were stuck there for three hours at least.

River took a deep breath and held her aching head up. It was going to be a long night.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They're stuck with only each other to talk to, and River can't hide for much longer.

The Doctor hated waiting. He couldn’t stand being cooped up in the Tardis and after only half an hour it was driving him mad. He had flicked every switch on the console and tried everything to turn the Tardis back on but it wasn’t working. Now he had taken to pacing around the control room. River was sitting on the steps with her head in her hands listening to him grumble and moan.

‘We could go outside, just for a bit,’ he tried to persuade her for what seemed like the hundredth time.

‘No,’ insisted River, turning to look at him, ‘we can’t and you know why.’

‘I won’t-‘

‘You will,’ she interrupted him. ‘Nothing can be changed, not a single thing or time will distort and rip dragging us all in. You remember what happened when we last saw a fixed point change.’

‘Well that was your fault,’ the Doctor muttered.

‘I know,’ she shouted, a little more angrily than she had intended. River sighed.

 

‘Could you go out there and talk to people you know are about to die? Could you do that knowing that nothing you can do will save them?’

‘I have before,’ the Doctor admitted.

‘And how did you feel afterwards?’

The Doctor knew that she was right, but the reality was that they were stuck here and sitting around wasn’t going to improve either of their moods.

 

‘I’m sorry,’ River said eventually, breaking the silence.

‘For what?’

‘It’s not your fault that we’re stuck. None of this is your fault.’ The Doctor moved to sit beside on the floor beside her.

‘I think we both know that it probably is,’ he admitted. 'You were right I probably did leave the brakes off.’

‘Even then she shouldn’t have lost power; it was probably a disruption in the continuum which caused it,’ explained River wearily. With her fingers she absentmindedly massaged her temples to try and abate her thumping headache.

 

She knew that she didn’t sleep enough, but it was how it had always been. When she was asleep, there was no way of controlling her memories. River had never had a dreamless sleep, and whether she remembered the dreams or not they haunted her all the same. It was far easier to avoid it as much as possible than face the harrowing images of the lake, or of Kovarian or Baines. In dreams there was nowhere to run, but if awake she could run as far away from them as she could; she could choose to forget.

Still it wasn’t doing her health any good.

 

‘You look exhausted,’ he said gently. ‘Nothing is going to happen up here, go and lie down for a bit.’

‘I’m fine,’ River assured him with as much conviction as she could muster.

‘You don’t have to be fine you know. It is okay not to be fine.’

 

‘Your bowtie has gone crooked again,’ she pointed out, trying to change the subject.

‘River…please,’ the Doctor tried, ‘you don’t have to hide from me. I can help…let me help you.’

River felt tears stinging her eyes but she would never let them fall in front of him. She rose quickly to her feet.

‘I need some air,’ she muttered, deciding that it was worth breaking her own rules to get away.

‘River!’ the Doctor started but by then she was already walking past him and out of the Tardis doors.

 

The Doctor couldn’t scramble up quickly enough and by the time he had, she was gone. He slammed his fist against the Tardis in frustration, which achieved nothing other than making his hand throb painfully. Running his fingers through his hair, he pondered whether to go after her or not. She clearly didn’t want his company and she was right; if anyone was likely to go break the fixed point it would be him. Still he hesitated. Whether River knew it or not she clearly needed him.

 

River walked quickly past everyone on the first class deck, trying not to notice their faces in fear that she wouldn’t be able to forget them. It was around dinner time, so most people had gone inside and by the time she reached the rear end of the boat there was no-one else around. The wind was strong, pulling her hair away from her face and the tears down her cheeks. She wiped them away with the back of her hand but she couldn’t pretend that they had never fallen.

 

The sun was setting, dappling both the water and the sky with bright purple and orange light. It was as beautiful as it was tragic; this was the last sunset many of the people on this boat would know and there was only her there to appreciate it. She didn’t know how long she watched it for, but the sun dipped further towards the horizon and the cold arctic winds continued to blow until River found herself shivering.

 

She felt the jacket on her shoulders before she realised that the Doctor was there. She turned to look at him and he smiled at her, an honest smile without the boyish playfulness he often hid behind. River put her arms into the Doctor’s jacket, appreciating the warmth.

‘I thought we would tear history apart.’

‘Why not? It’s the perfect night for it’ River said sadly. Her hands were on the railings and she felt his cover hers.

‘I can’t bear to see you like this,’ he told her honestly. ‘I know you feel like you can’t tell me, but I don’t think I can watch you in pain without trying to help.’

‘There’s nothing you can do.’

‘I can try and understand,’ he argued as gently as he could, ‘I can support you, anything you need trust me.’

 

‘It’s not that I don’t trust you; you are the only one I trust.’

‘Then tell me.’

River sighed.

‘From the first time I met you I knew that I was going to fall in love with you,’ she explained. ‘I didn’t even try to stop myself. I have been fighting my whole life, against people who I have trusted and those who I haven’t and I don’t want to fight you but…I can’t seem to stop myself. I always feel like I have to be the strong one, the person who laughs when the world turns dark, because otherwise what am I?’

‘You can’t be strong all of the time,’ the Doctor said softly.

‘I can try,’ River smiled.

‘You shouldn’t have to be,’ he whispered, squeezing her hand lightly. ‘I have never known anyone as brave and beautiful and strong as you are, but that doesn’t mean that you’re invincible. You have as much right as anyone to feel afraid or lost, more so with what you’ve been through. It’s not a weakness to tell someone you’re hurting.’

‘I know,’ River shook her head, ‘but if I tell you it’s real. If I tell you then I can’t pretend to myself that it’s not happening, and I have to face the fact that I may not come out of the other side of this.’

 

Her voice was starting to break, and as the Doctor put his arms around her she melted into his embrace. He held her close, never wanting to let go and letting her know simply that he was there. He kissed the top of her head.

‘You will,’ he breathed, ‘that is a promise I can keep.’

‘Don’t be so sure,’ she mumbled into his chest.

 

Once River was composed, she took a deep breath.

‘I will tell you,’ she said finally, ‘but right now…I just can’t. There are things that I have to do first, things I need to understand. And until then, I need you not to ask. I need you to trust me.’

‘Always,’ the Doctor swore. ‘I won’t ask you until you feel that you can tell me, but I will always be there for you, you have to know that.’

‘I know it,’ she smiled.

 

He leant down and kissed her, softly at first but the kiss soon deepened. River put her arms around the Doctor’s neck and moved closer so that they were only an inch apart. At first he didn’t know where to put his hands, but eventually they found her waist. She needed him, more than she had ever needed anyone. He moved a hand beneath the jacket she wore, placing it on her hip at first and moving upwards until he felt a bump beneath his fingers.

 

River flinched and pulled quickly away. It hadn’t hurt much, but he had felt the bandage beneath her dress and that worried her more than anything.

‘I…I’m sorry I…’ he stuttered, confused. He didn’t realise what had made her pull away and assumed that he had gone too far.

‘No, it’s fine,’ River sighed catching her breath, ‘it’s not you, I’m just tired that’s all. Maybe we should go back to the Tardis.’

‘River-‘

‘Sorry,’ she apologised, ‘it’s not you it…it’s not you.’ She was angry with herself for overreacting and making them both feel foolish. They walked swiftly back to the Tardis in silence, hardly able to look at each other.

 

This time when the Doctor pressed every button he could see the Tardis responded.

‘About time,’ he muttered. He flew them back to Stormcage, almost feeling guilty for taking her there. River stood in silence, cursing her own stupidity. It was the first time they had been intimate in a while, the first time she had really let him in and she had ruined it. She removed the jacket from her shoulders and hung it over the railings before she moved towards the door. The Doctor wanted to go after her and kiss her goodnight, but he stopped himself not realising that it made her feel even worse.

 

Before she left, she turned back to him.

‘When will you come back?’ asked River.

‘Tomorrow,’ he said, ‘I-‘

‘Promise?’ she smiled vacantly. ‘Of course sweetie.’

 

Her cell felt so small after being out in the open for the day. She let herself back in and a guard came to check her status and scold her as per usual. It didn’t matter now anyway, one more time wouldn’t make a difference. The Tardis was cloaked so he couldn’t see it, and River laughed bitterly thinking the guard had seen her step out of mid-air, but her smile disappeared as she heard the faint sound of the Tardis leaving behind her. Gone again. There was always part of her that worried he would never come back for her; one day he wouldn’t.

 

Sitting on her bed River recovered her diary and started to write, though she didn’t think that she would forget this day in a hurry. She had only been gone an hour or so, and it was still the dead of night but River knew that she wouldn’t be sleeping. Tomorrow she would face up to her situation, tomorrow she would tell the Doctor; but for tonight she could give up, just for a little while, and let the darkness swallow her whole.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Doctor takes River somewhere surprising, but she still has to begin to open up about what is happening at Stormcage

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the delay, just finished my A levels. Updates should be a bit quicker now

‘I’m sorry Doctor Song, but-‘  
‘You’re not sorry,’ River interrupted, ‘if you were sorry then you would do something about this.’ The room they were in was similar to the one on the ship with a table separating two chairs and a large two way mirror, though the walls weren’t shining white but the same bland unpainted grey like the rest of the facility. Miss Manton’s pristine black suit was out of place in such a damp and desolate room.

‘I have told you repeatedly that this is out of my control,’ Charlotte said calmly. The way her voice never wavered from its monotone drawl was beginning to irritate River. She spoke in such a cleansed and censored fashion, always seeming to say the right thing without saying anything at all.  
‘Well who does have a say in this? Who else can I speak to?’   
Charlotte sighed. ‘The decision has been made; there really is nothing you can do. ‘  
‘So I’m just supposed to let it happen?’ River argued, doing her best to maintain a façade of strength.  
‘Yes,’ the younger woman answered without hesitation. She rose from her seat and closed her briefcase, making for the door.  
‘I will see you on Friday,’ she said finally, the smallest hint of pity creeping into her otherwise emotionless voice. It made River feel sick.

Two guards walked in to escort her back to her cell. When she didn’t move for a moment, sat with elbows on the table and her head in her hands, one of them moved over as if to pull her up.  
‘You lay one finger on me,’ she warned, ‘and you won’t walk straight for a month.’ Her reaction was effortless, yet back in her cell with a hand around her neck she could barely choke out a pitiful plea. 

He backed off at once, letting her get up on her own. He was young, maybe twenty, and River had known him for over a year now. She couldn’t call him a friend but whenever he saw her they exchanged a few cheeky words; well, they had. Now all guards had been instructed not to talk to her at all unless absolutely necessary, and what choice did they have but to obey. 

The walk back to her cell was awkwardly silent, each step echoing through the empty corridors. There were occasionally shouts of other prisoners from other blocks, but River had learned to block them out a long time ago along with the constant sound of rain falling outside her window. 

She let herself back in, having learned that trick on her first day, and her face fell. They had searched her room again. Yesterday she had returned from a shower to find her drawers open and her things scattered around, but today they had clearly escalated the search. Her bed had been overturned, the mattress ripped open at one side, and her bookshelf was gone with only the remnants of torn pages scattering the floor. Her drawers had been emptied and her clothes were everywhere; what few possessions she kept in the cell were either gone or lying broken.

They had been looking for her diary, but they weren’t going to find it. If there was one thing they were never going to get their hands on it was her precious diary, the only item she cared enough about to hide. She turned to see the guards still lingering in the doorway. The younger one she knew clearly wanted to say something, but his loyalty was getting in the way.  
‘You can go,’ she said, relieving them, ‘I’ll sort this out.’   
They nodded, closing the door, and River swore she heard a muttered ‘I’m sorry’ just loud enough for her to hear. A smile ghosted across her face. At least there were some people who could still look past what she had done.

The room was such a mess that it almost hurt to look at. River had never been overly concerned with the things in her room but it was still another blow designed, she assumed, to remind her of her place. Having escaped again and having hidden the one thing they wanted she was showing that she was still fighting them and they didn’t like it. They hadn’t needed to take it out on her favourite books though, or the small vase the Doctor had bought her at Shan Shen that changed colour depending on her mood and playing music if she was sad. The shards were blacker than they had ever been.

It took a few hours to clean up all of the debris and put the bedding back in place. When she was sure that no-one was coming, River dropped to the floor and slid under the bed. She tapped an area of the wall twice, disabling the perception filter and revealing a small area where loose bricks concealed her diary. The Doctor had given her the filter a while ago for emergencies, and even though it only responded to her fingerprint she had still been worried that they had managed to find it. River held the book for a few seconds, just to convince herself that it was safe, before replacing it carefully and ensuring it was well hidden.

Lying back on her now even lumpier mattress River stared at the ceiling. She couldn’t tell what time of day it was anymore, but the lightning was flashing on and off so it seemed as bright as day and dark as night all at once. Her eyelids were becoming heavy but she resisted the temptation. It had been a few days since her last attempt at sleep now but the last time River had closed her eyes she had woken to see him staring at her and she had never felt so vulnerable. 

It was easier now to understand the Doctor’s frustrations when he was stuck somewhere for a while. Now without books, River could only wait or pace and the only person she had was herself. When you’re alone for a long time your subconscious becomes your only correspondent and your thoughts often run away into dark and dangerous territories. 

River heard a noise outside her cell and sat bolt upright, breathing heavily. Not again, not tonight, she begged silently but there was no-one there to listen. She swallowed, trying to calm herself down and feign a sense of dignity but the darkest thoughts were flashing through her mind like the lightning beyond the window, almost blinding her.

‘River?’  
The Doctor used the sonic to open the cell door and stepped inside. She was so relieved she felt like crying, but she wouldn’t. He smiled at her, the simplest thing and yet it meant so much. She had missed him, even over such a short space of time for them.   
‘Well then, ‘he said offering an arm, ‘shall we?’

Once she was inside the Tardis River immediately felt safer. The familiar surroundings felt warm, like the embrace of an old friend. It was as though for a moment she was in a daze, and hadn’t been listening to a word her husband had been saying. She only noticed that she hadn’t been paying attention when the Doctor’s hand on her arm brought her back to reality.  
‘River are you okay?’   
She smiled and nodded. He wanted to say something more but he had sworn to her that he wouldn’t ask and she trusted him to keep that oath.   
‘I haven’t seen you in long sleeves before,’ he noted as he returned to the console and thrust them into the time vortex.   
‘It’s getting cold in Stormcage,’ River told him, absent-mindedly rubbing her left forearm. ‘During the winter the storms can get quite bad and those cells aren’t the warmest.’  
‘It looks nice,’ he grinned, ‘and tonight we can get away from the cold and go anywhere you want; except maybe Chicago 1987 they don’t want me back there.’  
‘Anywhere is fine with me,’ she answered evasively. It didn’t matter where they went, because she knew what would have to happen. Right now River was struggling to even hide her demeanour; she was just too tired.

The Doctor stopped what he was doing and went over to River. Without a word he gently wrapped his arms around her thin frame and held her close to him. Her chin nuzzled in the nape of his neck and she let him comfort her. As strong as she was, there were times when everyone just needed someone to hold them. 

He kissed her head and moved, cupping her face in his hands.  
‘It’s okay, I’m here now,’ he whispered. ‘I came back; I promised didn’t I?’ There was pain in River’s eyes.  
‘You did,’ she breathed, looking straight into his warm brown eyes. ‘You said you would come tomorrow…two weeks ago.’  
The Doctor’s face fell.  
‘No…no I made sure, I told the Tardis it had to be the next night I- I was sure…’  
‘It’s okay sweetie,’ she said calmly, putting her hand on his for a moment before pulling away gently and looking at the Tardis monitor to try and distract herself from the pain weighing down on her chest. She knew it wasn’t his fault, but that hadn’t made the last two weeks any easier.  
‘River I…I’m so sorry,’ the Doctor stuttered, ‘I broke a promise, I never-’

‘I know you didn’t mean to, it’s fine,’ she assured him.  
‘Even so,’ he insisted, shaking his head. ‘Let me make it up to you.’  
‘Sweetie, you know that we need to talk,’ sighed River.  
‘Yes, tonight, but for today let’s just forget about it and enjoy ourselves. What do you say?’  
She could see that he was really trying, and the thought of spending a blissful day not caring about anything else was very tempting.  
‘Okay,’ she agreed, smiling tiredly. ‘Where are we going?’  
‘Take my hand.’

She did, as always trusting him without question, and he pulled her out of the Tardis; it wasn’t what she expected. Well, with the Doctor you never knew exactly what to expect but this…

‘Paris,’ he told her, ‘early 21st Century.’  
It was a beautiful summer day, with a bright blue sky and an enveloping warmth in the air. Although River spoke a little French she was glad to hear the Tardis translating for her in the conversations of the passers-by.   
‘This is a little…conventional for you,’ River pointed out with a quizzical eyebrow raised.  
‘With you and me, does it ever turn out that way?’  
‘I suppose not,’ she admitted.  
The Doctor was giving her something she had never had; a sense of normality. He wasn’t sure if she could see it or not but it didn’t matter to him as long as, for this one day, she could be happy. 

It was like the honeymoon they had never had. They did the silly little things that people took for granted, like having ice cream in the park and getting lost attempting to find the Louvre. Of course with the Doctor and his wife it would never be quite that simple; they were thrown out of the Musée d’Orsay after sharing stories of artists long dead a little too loudly, and had to run away from a policeman after the Doctor almost dived off the top of the Arc de Triomphe. River laughed for the first time in what felt like an age, and not just a laugh to hide her pain but a genuine laugh. It felt better than she could have imagined, but as the sun began to set she realised that she didn’t want to give it away.

By nightfall, the Doctor had snuck them up to one of the top levels of the Eiffel Tower. The air was still and warm, even at the summit, and from that high up it looked as if you could see the world in its entirety. By the edge there were two chairs overlooking the city with a small table of wine and food, and when River saw it she felt as if her heart was about to burst. 

‘Thank you,’ she said, turning to the Doctor.  
‘For what?’  
‘For everything; this, today, has been just…perfect. I can’t tell you how much it means to me.’   
The Doctor smiled and stroked her cheek with his thumb. He knew exactly how much it meant.

They sat for a while, just watching the world go by before the subject could no longer be avoided.  
‘We still need to talk, don’t we,’ River sighed.  
‘I wish I could say no,’ admitted the Doctor, ‘but I think we would both just be kidding ourselves.’ River took a big drink of her wine, finishing the glass.  
‘I…I don’t know where to start,’ she faltered.  
‘You don’t have to do this if you aren’t ready,’ he urged, taking her hand. ‘We can just forget about it for a little longer.’  
‘I don’t have a choice. Time is running out and I need you to know,’ she explained, ‘but...it’s stupid.’  
‘Anything that has you rattled like this can’t be stupid,’ the Doctor reasoned wisely.  
‘I’m supposed to be strong,’ River said bitterly. ‘I’ve never cared when my life has been in danger or when someone is chasing me trying to kill me, that was nothing. I don’t know why I have to care now.’

She breathed deeply, trying to push tears back. It was ridiculous for her to feel this way. She felt as if she was confessing a terrible sin, though she had done nothing wrong; well, within reason.  
‘Take your time,’ the Doctor said encouragingly. ‘I’m here as long as you need me to be.’  
She wouldn’t cry.  
‘After the Byzantium, I was told that a new board of officials had taken over the running of Stormcage,’ River started, allowing the words to take over. ‘The orders from the Shadow Proclamation were to clamp down on the higher security prisoners, anyone with 500 consecutive life sentences or more. The board decided that I was showing them up by escaping all the time and not serving my time as I was supposed to.  
‘The new legislation has allowed them to take a second look at my case.’   
River hesitated for a moment, feeling her hearts pounding against her ribs.  
‘Your case?’ asked the Doctor, confused.

‘They…they want to set an example, to prove that prisoners cannot get away with as much as I have. My 12,000 life sentences add to enough to find a loophole in the law, allowing them to instigate…’  
‘What?’   
River swallowed, her throat bone dry yet the moisture glistening in her eyes.  
‘The death penalty.’


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> River has finally admitted a secret, but there are still things the Doctor cannot know

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bit of an in between chapter, more to come soon

This wasn’t happening. He couldn’t believe it, he refused to. The words kept playing over and over again in his head but they would not sink in. It had to be a mistake, there was no other explanation. It was as if the entire world had stopped. There was nothing and no-one else, only them in that moment staring in disbelief.

 

The Doctor couldn’t even allow himself to be angry as he simply did not know how to respond to what his wife had just said. He didn’t want to believe her but when he looked at her he saw it, that sadness and fear which did not belong in her beautiful eyes, and he knew it was true and that it was hurting her more than she would say.

 

River felt tears in her eyes and looked down at her lap where her hands were shaking. It had taken a lot for her to say the words, to admit it to the one person she cared about above all others, but she wasn’t sure that she was prepared for what came next. Still, now he knew.

 

She closed her eyes and breathed deeply, and felt a soft warm hand gently rest upon hers.

‘This is ridiculous,’ she smiled bitterly. ‘Technically I have already died twice, and wherever I go someone seems to be trying to kill me. It…it’s never felt like this before.’ River cursed as her voice cracked a little, and she couldn’t bear to look at the Doctor. She knew that he would be kind, sympathetic as always and she knew that it would kill her to see him pity her.

 

Without saying anything, the Doctor moved so that his fingers were entwined with River’s and he gave her hand a gentle squeeze. His mind was bubbling with a million questions, emotions that he hadn’t even known he was capable of were coursing through his veins and threatening to stop his hearts; but he remained strong, for her sake. River didn’t need to answer to his insecurities; she needed him to be there to help her through her own.

 

An insolent tear broke free, falling down her cheek leaving warmth and pain in its wake. River immediately reached up with her free hand to wipe it away but another followed too quickly to counter.

‘Sorry,’ she mumbled. The Doctor’s brow furrowed.

‘Why would you be sorry? You haven’t done anything wrong.’ River shook her head.

‘That’s not strictly true, is it?’

‘What do you mean?’ he asked gently, holding tightly onto her hand.

‘I killed you,’ she reminded him, ‘twice. I ask so much of you when all I have ever given you is grief. I was born a psychopath; I have done many things wrong.’

 

‘None of that was your fault, don’t you ever think that. And you have saved me more times than I can count, River, I would be nothing without you…I would be dead.’

‘Maybe I wasn’t in the right mind when I did those things but I remember them clearly Doctor; I remember how it felt and I have to live with that. I always go back to prison because it’s the only way I can feel like I am being punished for what I’ve done.’

 

‘You listen to me,’ the Doctor said assertively. ‘You do not deserve this, any of this do you understand me? You have only ever done the best with what you were given, and you managed to overcome the odds despite how you were raised to be. You are the bravest, strongest and most amazing woman I have ever met and I am NOT going to let this happen.’

 

River looked up at him, seeing the passion in his eyes and she wished that it made her feel better.

‘It’s not that simple sweetie,’ she whispered.

‘I am not just going to stand back and let this happen,’ the Doctor assured her. ‘It can’t anyway, I’ve seen you in the future and you’re fine; just as beautiful as ever.’

‘Time can be rewritten.’

The Doctor’s mind flashed back to the library, to the first time he had ever seen River, and his hearts sank. That was an important point in his life; not quite fixed, but very influential nonetheless. He realised that even if he helped her now, he would be sending her off to a future where he knew that he had no hope of saving her.

‘Not those times,’ he smiled weakly. ‘Is there a trial?’

She nodded. ‘Friday of the week I just came from, but it is a mere formality. They have already decided everything behind closed doors.’

‘Then we shall have to change their minds.’

‘How?’

The Doctor leaned in and kissed her gently. He rested his forehead against hers, whispering softly.

‘I swear to you that I will keep you safe. No matter what happens I will not let them hurt you, and I would never let them take you away from me. I promise you River, with all my heart, and I will never break that promise. I love you.’

 

River sat bolt upright, staring at him as if he was a madman. And then her eyes darkened and she shook her head, curls bouncing against her shoulders.

‘I thought you would never…just don’t say it if you don’t mean it.’

‘River Song you are the only woman I could say it to,’ he said honestly. ‘You are the only one I love.’

‘I love you too sweetie,’ she smiled, feeling a warmth spreading through her veins.

 

She kissed him, gently at first but deeper as she realised how much she needed him. Just this once, she could let herself go. The Doctor put a hand on her thigh and another in her hair, keeping her close to him as their kisses became more desperate and lustful. But he remembered the night on the Titanic and stopped for a moment.

‘Is this what you want?’ he breathed. River looked at him, eyes shimmering but not, this time, from tears. She reached up and touched the earring in her ear, a gesture only she could understand, and nodded.

‘This is all I have ever wanted,’ she answered, getting up and kicking back her chair as she unbuttoned her shirt. The Doctor took off his jacket and put his arms around her waist, pulling her close to him and they fell to the floor not caring about the chill of the Parisian wind. She was beautiful, her unblemished skin radiant in the moonlight and the Doctor couldn’t stop himself from smiling. He didn’t know that he was being deceived. He was too preoccupied to notice the faint hum of a perception filter hiding truths he was not yet ready to know.

 

The sun was beginning to rise above the city, its colours illuminating every building with an ethereal glow. River was nestled against the Doctor’s chest, his arms wrapped around her to keep her close. They hadn’t slept, and yet still she felt more rested than she had done in the last month.

‘I don’t think I can go back straight away,’ she said honestly.

‘You don’t have to.’ The Doctor kissed the top of her head. ‘We can go anywhere and everywhere for however long you like. I am quite the expert on running away.’

‘You can’t run forever though.’

‘No,’ he admitted, ‘but you can give yourself time to prepare for what you have to face. We will work this out.’

‘I know.’

River closed her eyes, listening to the Doctor’s heartbeat and breathing softly. One last run. 


	8. Chapter 8

So they ran.

 

They ran back into the Tardis as morning was breaking over the city of Paris, away from a very confused looking security guard who didn’t know quite what to say to them. For once River was genuinely smiling as she watched her husband darting around the controls like an excited child at Christmas. It felt as if a great weight had been lifted from her shoulders now that he knew, even if she had not given him the whole truth, and for the first time she could see a flicker of hope in the words of the promise he had given her.

 

River massaged her temples with her fingers, the exhaustion of the last few weeks finally catching up to her.

‘You look tired,’ the Doctor observed, settling them into deep space and coming over to her.

‘I am,’ admitted River.

‘Then go to bed, rest for a bit. I’ll still be here when you get back; we can have tea and biscuits and watch the seventeen suns of Jasiqha rise above the temple.’

She shook her head. ‘I’m fine, really, I just need a moment.’ The Doctor brushed a stray curl away from her face.

‘You don’t have to be fine for me,’ he said gently. ‘When was the last time you slept?’

River couldn’t even remember. She had dozed a few times back in her cell but never for long; she was too exposed when unconscious in the dark. The Doctor understood her silence as only he could.

‘We have a lot of running to do and I can’t carry you all the way. Just a few hours; for me?’

 

Sighing, River gave in. The dull ache in her head was becoming a distraction and the perception filter she wore was drawing energy from her core and making her feel even weaker than before.

‘Fine,’ she breathed, ‘but just an hour. I am expecting the kettle to be on when I get back.’

‘Yes boss.’ The Doctor leaned in and kissed her softly. ‘Sleep well.’

 

She walked away and he watched her go until she was out of view, worrying slightly by how easily she had given in. But he would always worry. River had been carrying this burden on her own for a while now, and he hated to think of her trying to deal with it alone; no wonder she looked so pale. The Doctor made sure that they were in a stable position, flicking switches absent-mindedly and thinking only of her. They would find a way to win this, he knew that they would. They had to – the alternative was simply not an option.

 

River found her room quickly with a little help from the Tardis and didn’t bother changing before crawling under the duvet. She tried to convince herself that she just needed a nap, but as soon as her head hit the pillow she could feel herself being dragged into the deepest realms of her subconscious.

 

At first there was only darkness, and the feeling of weightlessness as she drifted away from reality; but as always this was not the end. She saw them, hundreds of them with electricity crackling at their fingertips reaching towards her. River tried to run but she was rooted to the spot, stuck on the sand at Lake Silencio again and powerless to stop them. In the distance she saw a woman with her baby, the same woman she had seen in Italy, and tried to call out to her but she merely closed her eyes and turned away as if in shame. River was trapped, too tired to wake and yet hardly at rest, at the mercy of her nightmares.

 

Three hours had gone by and the Doctor was convinced that River had finally succumbed to sleep. He had spent most of this time in the library, reading everything he could find on 52nd Century law and coming up with very little. He had used the Tardis’ database to gather any information published about River’s case, but there was very little to go on.

 

Despite the high profile victim, it seemed that the trial and reason for River’s imprisonment had been kept very low key. There were some legal documents giving details of her sentencing and the reasons for her arrest but there were no details on the case itself as a whole. The Doctor reasoned that either someone was covering something up by keeping information out of the public knowledge, or that his death was hushed to prevent more dangerous enemies from discovering that he was gone. Either way, it didn’t help him.

 

After seven hours, the Doctor had become an expert on contemporary law, but this had put him in no better of a position. The death penalty was banned in the year 5000 as part of the Millennium Agreement, but this law only covered prisoners with up to 500 life sentences. The length of River’s sentence meant that she was not protected by the Millennium Agreement, which was stated on what papers of hers he could find, so in effect the board at Stormcage had every right to sentence her to death.

 

River had told him that the Shadow Proclamation had ordered tougher sanctions on the worst offending prisoners, though the sentence itself had come from within Stormcage. The Doctor leapt up, books that had been resting on his lap falling carelessly to the floor, and ran to the console room. He landed the Tardis very specifically and, with a final check that River was still in her room, walked out.

 

The room was small, empty and everything was white from the walls to the chairs. The Doctor sat down, resting his feet on the white desk and waiting until an old friend appeared in the doorway. He had not seen Leah Castamere for what seemed like an age, but she recognised him at once and shut the door hurriedly behind her.

‘How can you be here?’ she hissed, as if there were others listening.

‘I know, I’m dead,’ he grinned, ‘but you can keep a secret, can’t you?’

Leah smiled reluctantly and sat across from him. She had become friends with the Doctor a long time ago, after he saved her from the fires of the Gamma forests and she taught him to play the cello when the Tardis went missing for an afternoon. She had told him that she wanted to work for the Shadow Proclamation in a fleeting moment, but clearly he had listened as he was there in her office so many years later.

 

‘How did you-‘

‘I can’t tell you,’ he interrupted her, ‘I’m sorry, but no-one here can know I am alive.’

‘Then why are you here?’ asked Leah.

‘What do you know about River Song?’

‘Everyone here knows about Doctor Song,’ she explained, ‘she killed you! Well…some people say otherwise, but that’s what she is in Stormcage for. I was at her trial and she didn’t seem too fussed when she was given 12000 lives worth of imprisonment, just kept on doing her nails. It’s a shame about her; she didn’t seem dangerous to me.’

‘You know about her new sentence?’ Leah nodded.

‘The Shadow Architect gave orders for Stormcage to exercise a little less restraint on some of the prisoners, I suppose because Doctor Song seemed to be escaping so often. But the facility was the one to choose how to handle her, not us; it seemed a little odd to me. There are far worse people in that place and yet they only chose her to suffer the death penalty using the Millennium Agreement loophole.’

 

‘Is there any way to stop them using that loophole, to stop them from trying to execute her?’ The desperation was clear in the Doctor’s tone despite his attempts to hide it and Leah’s expression softened sadly.

‘No,’ she answered honestly. ‘We make the laws, we carry out arrests but they have the power to decide what to do with the prisoners. There will be a trial yes, but it will be mostly superficial. I looked into it a little when I first heard and they are acting within the law, but if you ask me someone has it in for her. If you can prove that, then maybe you could make a case for letting her off but otherwise there is nothing you can do. I’m sorry, Doctor. I can see how much you care about her.’

‘You have no idea,’ he mumbled beneath his breath. ‘Thank you Leah, sorry to barge in.’

‘Any time,’ she smiled back at him. ‘I wish I could be of more help.’

 

The Doctor said goodbye, trying to conceal how much his heart was breaking, and stepped back into the Tardis. A tear escaped down his cheek before he could stop it. Yes they could run, for days or months or years if they wanted to, but they would have to go back eventually. No-one could live life constantly looking over their shoulder, and no-one should have to. He kept telling himself that he had seen River in the future, that this couldn’t happen, but in this case time was not fixed and he could not control it.

 

He contemplated what Leah had said, about someone having it in for River, but before he had time to process the thought he heard something which frightened him to the core. He heard River screaming.

 

For a second he didn’t know what to do. The sound was so desperate, so terrified that it almost hurt him to hear it. As soon as he came to his senses, the Doctor sprinted passed the console and down the corridor to River’s room, bursting through the door. She was sitting on the side of the bed with her head in her hands.

‘River?’

‘I’m fine,’ she said at once, slowly lifting her head.

‘You don’t look fine.’

‘Well I am,’ River insisted, ‘it was just a dream.’

‘It sounded more than that to me.’ The Doctor sat down next to her. ‘I was worried.’

‘You have no need to worry about me,’ she told him sharply. ‘Doctor, I know that you care and that means a lot to me, but I am not the sort of person who likes being fussed over all of the time. There are some things that I just need to deal with myself, okay?’

 

‘I understand,’ he nodded, ‘and I should know by now that you can take care of yourself. I will always worry about you; I can’t help it, I’m afraid. But if you say you’re alright then I will believe you and say nothing more about it, as long as you know that I’m always there for when you are not.’ He took her hand and kissed it and River smiled, resting her head on his shoulder.

‘What did I do to deserve you?’ she asked.

‘Must have been something good,’ he grinned. ‘Come on, I’ve got the tea ready.’

 

The Tardis was fixed in orbit above the sands of Jasiqha, and they sat and watched each sun rise in turn until the sky was filled with colour. They talked and laughed for hours, getting through an entire packet of Jammie Dodgers in the process.

 

From then on they kept running, darting throughout the universe and seeing everything from the birth of the first star to the Battle of Hastings. They were waltzing through the King’s ballroom in the palace of Versailles after a month or so of travelling when River said what was on both of their minds.

‘I have to go back at some point you know.’

‘I know,’ the Doctor sighed, ‘but we are still no further forward.’

‘And you cannot even think about showing yourself at the trial,’ she warned. ‘You are supposed to be dead; the Silence would find you and the last God knows how many years would be wasted.’

‘If I was there, then they couldn’t execute you for killing me,’ he pointed out.

‘But we would both be in more danger from what followed. Doctor you can’t and you know that.’

‘Then what do we do?’

River shook her head.

‘I don’t know, but I do know that my being here isn’t helping. If I went back to Stormcage for a night then I could show them that I was willing to comply and you could go and try to find a way out of this.’

‘I am not going to leave you there,’ the Doctor insisted.

‘You will have to at some point, you know. And it will just be for a night; I can find out as much as I can from Stormcage and you can look into things outside. If you come back the day before the trial then we have plenty of time to come up with a useful plan. Right now all we are doing is pretending that nothing is happening.’

‘Well then tell me, honestly…are you going to be safe if I take you back?’  

‘They wouldn’t do anything to me this close to the trial,’ she said, evading the question. ‘If I wait too long to go back then they will realise how long I’ve been away and that won’t do me any favours.’

 

The Doctor was reluctant, but he knew that it was the only way to try and find any way of getting River’s sentence revoked. He didn’t want to leave her too long in that wretched place but there were few alternatives.

‘Alright,’ he complied, ‘but just for a few hours.’

The waltz seemed to end a little too quickly, and River’s heart sank as they went back to the Tardis. She knew that it was what she had to do, that she couldn’t run forever, but that didn’t make her feel any better.

 

It seemed like no time at all before River had changed back into the clothes she had left the prison in and the ship had landed.

‘It will be okay,’ the Doctor insisted, kissing her goodbye. ‘I will be back soon; I won’t be late this time.’

‘You better not be,’ River warned him, smiling weakly. ‘Don’t look so worried, I will see you in the morning.’

She let him pull her into a soft embrace, feeling tears sting her eyes. She had always hated saying goodbye and this was harder than usual.

 

Stealing a last kiss, River turned and walked out of the Tardis without looking back. Her cell seemed so small after so many weeks of living in the open world, and when she heard the Tardis go she felt incredibly alone. She removed the perception filter from her ear and place it on her bed, knowing that there wasn’t anyone to hide the truth from here. The next few hours would be the longest of her life.

 

‘Hello sweetie.’

 

River’s blood ran cold. He stepped up behind her, his hot breath on the back of her neck. The cell was locked, the corridors were empty and there was nowhere to hide.


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> River's back in Stormcage, but now the Doctor is gone there is no-one to protect her.

Her expression was void of emotion, her eyes as cold as the ice in her heart; inside, she was screaming. Everything was falling apart and all she wanted to do was cry, but that was no longer an option. She said nothing, not wanting to give him the satisfaction.

‘Why so quiet all of a sudden?’  Baines moved closer until his body was right behind River’s, lightly running his fingers up her arm and making the hairs on the back of her neck stand up.

 

She jerked away, sickened by his touch.

‘What are you doing here?’

‘Oh I see,’ he smirked, ‘we’re in a fighting mood today. I always love it when you have a little fire in your belly; makes everything so much more…rewarding when I win.’

‘Not today,’ she answered, feigning a strength she had long since lost.

‘Well from what I hear, this could be my last chance. By this time on Friday there might not be an awful lot left to play with.’

‘You’re wrong,’ River told him, backing slowly away as he began to advance but feeling all too soon the cold wall which reminded her that there was nowhere to go.

‘Really? Because I heard that they were going to string you up and suck the life out of you, nice and slow. I hope I get front row seat,’ snarled Baines, his eyes as dark as endless chasms of hatred running deep into his soul.

 

‘It’s not going to happen,’ she insisted, holding her ground as best she could.

‘And who is going to save you, hmm? Lover boy, perhaps?’

‘I…I don’t-‘

‘DON’T LIE TO ME,’ he shouted, spittle flying from the corners of his mouth as if he were a rabid dog. He punched the wall beside her head so hard the plaster splintered beneath his fist and despite herself River flinched. Baines’ expression twitched into a smile as he saw her vulnerability shine through and he moved forwards so that his face was inches from hers, his fist still embedded in the wall.

‘I know where you go every time you slip away, crawling back to the Time Lord’s bed every chance you get you dirty whore. He doesn’t care about you, or he wouldn’t throw you back into this place every chance he gets would he? Does he even know who you are, what you did?’

 

He grabbed her by the hair, catching her off guard and threw her across the room. River’s shoulder collided with the opposite wall and a spasm of pain surged down her arm. She bit her lip to keep her silence, determined not to let him take pleasure in knowing he had hurt her.

 

‘Oh, that’s rich,’ she heard him say as she pulled herself to her feet. The distraction bought her a few seconds to compose herself.

‘A perception filter,’ he grinned, picking up the small glistening object from the bed and rolling it between his fingers.

‘I guess you don’t tell him everything do you?  We still have our little secrets.’

 

Baines dropped it on the floor and crushed it with his boot with more aggression than was needed to destroy something so small. River could sense his anger building, and knew that this was her only chance to fight back. She slipped one hand behind her back to feel beneath her belt where she had hidden a knife, small but incredibly sharp. Clutching the handle desperately, she waited for him to make his move.

 

‘You think that you’re so brave,’ he jeered, ‘this strong, independent woman who can do anything she wants. But I’ve seen you on your knees and begging, falling lower than I thought a person could go, and I will always know that you are worthless. And the Doctor knows it too.’

‘You don’t know anything about him.’

She tried not to listen to him, but the words stung more than she cared to admit. River could only recall fragments of her childhood, but she remembered being told over and over again how little she was worth and how pathetic she was. She had spent her life so far trying to prove those people wrong, yet here she was again; how far she had come.

 

Her hands were shaking but she knew that she had to hold them steady.

‘You can say anything you want,’ he snarled, ‘but we both know how this dance ends, sweetie. I know that nothing can save you from your trial, your death…and no-one can save you from me.’

It happened so quickly that by the time River realised what had occurred it was already over. Baines was only a foot or so away when she lunged at him, knife in hand aiming for the exposed flesh of his neck. For a moment, it looked as if she was going to do it as the blade came within inches of his throat but in seconds the tables turned.

 

He caught her wrist with a vice-like grip, stopping the metal just before it could reach his skin. River felt the bones splintering as he tightened his hold on her and let out a whimper of pain; she couldn’t help it. Curling her free hand into a fist she beat at his chest and kicked his shins but he was so strong that it hardly seemed to affect him at all. With a sickening grin, Baines took the knife from her limp right hand and plunged it into the flesh beneath her collarbone, beside her left shoulder.

 

River looked down, feeling nothing for a few blissful seconds and not quite comprehending what had happened. The pain washed over her as blood began to trickle from the wound, staining her shirt with veins of sickly scarlet. Baines twisted the knife and River screamed, agony burning like a fire raging through her veins. He laughed.

 

She couldn’t help it. The sounds had burst free from her lips before she could stop it, her instincts taking over as the blade bore deeper into her flesh. When he finally pulled out the knife, River felt a gush of warm blood against her skin. The pain was quickly replaced by numbness, which was perhaps even more worrying.

‘You’re mine,’ Baines hissed.

‘No,’ River said, shaking her head, ‘never.’

He slapped her across the face so hard that her lip split on impact, her head ringing. Dizziness washed over her, but as soon as she was able she raised her head in defiance. River knew that she wasn’t going to die, not if she had anything to say about it; she wasn’t about to lie down and take it anymore. This was where she began her fight back.

 

River pushed Baines with as much energy as she could muster into the bookcase, taking him by surprise and causing him to stumble which allowed her time to dart away from him. She searched frantically for her gun, quickly realising that they would have found it on the last search of her room. He had her knife, and the only thing she could get her hands on was a book she had salvaged from the destruction.

 

When he came at her again, she hit him over the head with it which seemed to stun him for a while but not long enough for her to retrieve the blade from his pocket. Baines caught her broken wrist and threw her back against the wall, putting her hand around her neck to keep her there. She clawed at his arm to try and force him to release his grip but he didn’t even wince.

‘You still don’t get it, do you,’ he shouted, tightening his grip. ‘No-one cares that I’m in here, no-one is coming to save you and there is no way you can get out of here. You can punch and kick all you want but I’ve won and I always will.’

‘P-please,’ River stuttered as her head became heavy, her lungs screaming for air. She hadn’t the energy to fight him off; he was holding her too tightly, his fingers digging into her throat as he pressed so hard she thought he would snap her neck there and then. But he wasn’t that kind.

 

Just as the corners of her vision turned to darkness she felt the pressure release and could only allow her body to crumple to the floor as she coughed and spluttered, desperately trying to fill her lungs. River tried to push herself up off the floor, but her wrist was too badly broken to support the weight and she was still losing blood from her shoulder.

 

Baines picked her up and slung her over his shoulder as if she were a rag doll, and tears stung River’s eyes as she realised that there was nothing she could do to stop him. Her feeble kicks of protest were never going to make a difference, and she was just too weak to keep trying. Her thoughts were clouded as he dumped her on the bed, tying her hands to the bedpost.

‘Doctor…’ she whispered, closing her eyes and praying for him to burst in and save her.

‘He isn’t coming,’ spat Baines, ‘he doesn’t care. Who could care about you?’

 

River tried to struggle, never allowing him the pleasure of knowing she was beaten though in reality it didn’t matter. He was right, he had won, and this night was far from over.

 

Xxx

 

The Doctor’s face broke into a massive grin as he found, after hours of searching, what he had been looking for. Sat in the library amongst a mountain of papers, he cheered as he held up the one thing he needed to save River.

‘I knew it!’

He sprang to his feet, giddy as a school boy, and sprinted to the console room as fast as he could. Punching in the co-ordinates, making sure to be as accurate as possible, he felt his hearts beating wildly. He hadn’t seen River in what felt like forever, though it had probably only been a few weeks. The Doctor had made himself promise not to return until he had what they needed and evidence to back it up, and now he couldn’t wait to tell her the good news.

 

More than that though, the thought of seeing her again made the hairs on the back of his neck stand on end with excitement. Their time together had only made it more difficult for him to be apart from her, and he had been aching to see her every day she wasn’t there. The Doctor assumed about 8 hours would be long enough for her to stay at Stormcage, so he arrived in the early hours of the morning bounding out of the Tardis with a smile plastered on his face.

 

‘River? Rise and shine I’ve got it! I told you I would get it I-‘

When he saw her he felt like all the happiness was gone from the world. For a moment he couldn’t quite work out what he was seeing, but when he did he screamed. The Doctor fumbled for his sonic screwdriver, banging at the cell’s bars as he tried to get in and finding his vision blurred by tears.

‘RIVER,’ he cried, not caring who heard him; the way he was feeling he would have killed anyone who stood in his path.

 

When the sonic had undone the lock he slammed the door open and fell to his knees beside his wife. All he could see was red.


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Doctor finds out the truth at Stormcage, but has he come in time?

‘River…oh God, River.’

Her shirt was soaked through with blood which was pooling on the floor. She was breathing, the Doctor realised, but only short shallow breaths.

‘River please…don’t do this to me.’ He gently brushed a strand of hair from her eyes and stroked her cheek, though when his hand came away with bloody fingertips he felt a fresh surge of anger build within his chest.

‘YOU TOLD ME YOU WERE SAFE,’ he shouted to no-one in particular. The Doctor wasn’t angry with River, he never could be; he was angry with himself for not asking the right questions. How could he not have seen it? The fear in her eyes, her reluctance to come back – it wasn’t just her death she feared, it was what she had to live with.

 

He needed to get her back to the Tardis, but he didn’t know how to move her without making her worse. River looked so fragile, more so than he ever imagined she could look.

‘I’m sorry,’ the Doctor whispered, taking her freezing hand into his own. Looking briefly around the room, he saw that the bed had been overturned and the bookcase was lying in splinters. Blood trailed across the floor, and there were bloody handprints on the sink which she seemed to have clung to before she fell. It looked as if a tornado had been through the room, yet no guards or security had come to check on her. She had been alone.

 

Before the Doctor had time to think that through, he was jolted back to reality as River opened her eyes, gasping for breath. Her eyes widened when she saw the Doctor, her hands reaching desperately for him as she was too unstable for words.

‘It’s okay, I’m here,’ he soothed, with no idea of what he was doing. River’s eyes softened as she looked at him almost apologetically with tears sparkling in her eyes.

‘It’ll be alright I promise, and I never break my promises do I? Well, not when I can help it.’

 

River wanted to tell him everything, to beg him just to hold her close but she couldn’t find the words. Her throat was still sore and bruised, and simply keeping her eyes open was taking all of the energy she had.

 

‘We need to get you into the Tardis, okay?’ River managed a small nod and put her arms around the Doctor’s neck as he put his around her and started to pull her up as gently as he could. She knew as soon as she moved that it was a mistake. It was if her entire body was aflame as the pain engulfed her, more powerful than anything she had ever known. Everything hurt, but when she tried to scream only a strangled cry could escape her lips.

 

He could hardly bear it. He knew he was hurting her, but he had to get her back to the Tardis. Somehow, the Doctor managed to get River to her feet though had his arm not been supporting her she wouldn’t have been able to stand at all.

‘Can you walk?’

She gave a small nod, and slowly but surely the managed a few steps. But before they reached the cell door, River stopped putting a hand on the wall to steady herself. A pain in her abdomen caused her to double over, biting down on her lip so that fresh blood welled from where it had split.

 

The Doctor held her up, trying to talk to her though she couldn’t make out what he was saying. A burning sensation rose in her throat and she bent over as she emptied the contents of her stomach. River had never felt so weak, her head throbbing with dizziness and every bone in her body aching, but even when the darkness beckoned she kept her eyes open; she knew that she had to keep going.

 

By the time she had stopped retching and managed to straighten, River had begun to shake. The Doctor had never been so frightened, feeling helpless as he realised he had no idea of what to do.

 

He gently lifted his wife into his arms and carried her to the Tardis, trying not to think about how

easily she had allowed him to do so. When they were inside he returned her to standing position, still keeping hold of her to make sure that she was steady.

‘I have to get us to the hospital,’ he told her as calmly as he could. She didn’t argue.

‘I…I’m s-sorry,’ she whispered, hardly able to look him in the eye.

‘Hey,’ the Doctor said, tilting her chin to meet her eyes, ‘you don’t have to be sorry, don’t you ever think that. It’s going to be fine; I promised didn’t I?’

She tried to smile, but the pain in her abdomen came again stronger than before, ripping through her as if a knife was tearing into her flesh. River couldn’t suppress a gasp as agony took over her body, and she fell. The Doctor managed to catch her before she crumbled completely, lowering her gently so that she was lying on the floor. He took off his jacket and used it to cushion her head, noticing a tear escape from the corner of her eye and not wanting to imagine how much this was hurting her.

 

‘River? River look at me,’ he pleaded. Though it was a struggle, she opened her eyes. The Doctor put his hand on her face and stroked her cheek gently with his thumb. She was trembling quite violently now, sweat beading on her forehead and glistening in the dim blue light. Any colour her cheeks had once held had been drained and the Doctor realised that she was still losing blood. He undid his bow tie and wrapped it around River’s shoulder as tightly as he dared, attempting to stem the bleeding.

‘I…I’m dying, aren’t I?’

‘What? No, no of course not,’ the Doctor dismissed at once. ‘Why would you say that?’

River winced as she lifted her left hand to show him. The energy was dancing around her fingers like flames on a fire, weak but still visible and as bright a yellow as the sun on a summers day.

 

‘But…but you can’t…’

‘I know,’ River said sadly, trying to keep breathing as her chest grew tighter.

The Doctor shook his head, tears blurring his vision.

‘You are fine,’ he told her stubbornly, ‘you’re just…just trying to repair yourself with the little energy you’ve retained that’s all. Temporary regenerative healing mechanism, that’s what it is.’

She knew that he was wrong, but she smiled anyway. It was the feeling they both knew too well, the moment before regeneration, only this time there was nowhere for her to go. The fact that her body was even bothering to try told her everything she needed to know about her condition.

 

‘I’m sorry, my love,’ she whispered, the world becoming tinged by darkness, ‘good-‘

‘River?’

Her eyelids fluttered closed and her hand fell limp to her side, the energy still floating around her hand. Her chest had stopped rising.

‘Oh God…’ He searched desperately for a pulse, finding a faint thud growing ever weaker. Pressing his lips to hers, the Doctor blew air into River’s lungs and begged her to breathe, just for him. But it was no use. He had to get her to the hospital now; he had no idea what he was doing, and he knew that they didn’t have time to wait.

 

Kissing River gently on the forehead, the Doctor bounded up to the console and launched the Tardis into the vortex as gently as he could, applying the stabilisers. The hospital he had taken her to when she had saved him, that of the Sisters of the Infinite Schism, was the best in the universe and right now that was what she needed. He gave the Tardis the co-ordinates and pulled them in towards their destination – only they never arrived.

 

The Tardis was refusing to land.

 

 

 


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Tardis won't land, but that is the least of the Doctor's problems.

The Doctor spent a few precious seconds just staring at his ship in disbelief.

‘What are you doing,’ he said through gritted teeth, trying and failing to get the Tardis to move.

‘For God’s sake don’t you understand? We have to land; we have to get to the hospital!’

Still the Tardis didn’t respond, staying fixed in the time vortex.

‘WE HAVE TO HELP HER CAN’T YOU SEE? SHE’LL DIE!’ The Doctor kicked the hard metal, not caring that it hurt only him. He couldn’t bear to look at River. She was relying on him, and he couldn’t do anything to help her. Useless.

 

The ship was working with a mind of its own, ignoring all attempts by the Doctor to take control and resisting the urgent need to land. The time vortex was meant as a passage, a way of getting from one moment in time to another; it was not designed as a place to remain for more than a fleeting moment, let alone as somewhere to park.

 

The Tardis made a deep, throaty noise as it recalibrated. The screens were going haywire as the ship began overriding basic protocols.

‘No,’ the Doctor realised, trying to stop what was happening, ‘no you can’t.’

The protection threshold had been lowered to practically nothing, leaving them completely exposed and increasingly vulnerable. Without it, the Doctor didn’t know how long they could last floating in a glorified wooden box amongst the immense power of time and space.

 

There was nothing he could do. It took a moment for it to dawn on him, but when it did he felt anger surging through his body. After everything that had happened it would come down to this. Defeated, the Doctor went back to River kneeling beside her and taking her hand in his; it was icy cold. He fumbled for a pulse, his fury melting away as fear took precedence.

 

It was there, slow and weak as it was, but even so he could feel her slipping away from him.

‘Please,’ the Doctor begged, his voice cracking, ‘you always know what to do. I…I’m lost, River. I need you.’ He thought about trying to use his own regeneration energy to heal her, as he had done in Manhattan a billion years ago, but it was impossible. This was no mere broken wrist, and that level of energy transfer was most likely to kill them both. She wasn’t strong enough, they both weren’t, and somehow the Doctor still blamed himself.

 

This was the first time he had ever felt as if he had no control over anything in his life and it terrified him. His usual bravado and confidence were gone, and in place there was a feared emptiness as his mind drew a blank for the first time. He had no answer.

 

The Doctor took River’s hand, feeling its warmth encircling him as his fingers intertwined with hers. Only…that wasn’t right. A second ago she had been frozen, her skin icy to the touch. Now the warmth was emanating from her like a glow, growing stronger every second until he could no longer hold on as the intensity of the heat began to burn.

 

The yellow energy which had been dancing around River’s fingertips had coiled up her arm like fast growing vines. In a matter of seconds it had taken over her body, surrounding her completely in a light so bright that it hurt the Doctor’s eyes. He tried to reach out to her, but was thrown back several feet.

 

It didn’t make sense. River didn’t have the energy for regeneration; she didn’t even have enough to begin to heal herself. But as River’s body became lost in the glow, there was no other explanation. The Doctor shielded his eyes with his arm as a surge lit the whole room a bright sunshine yellow, unable to think as his mind worked in overdrive. Questions bred only further questions, though when it came down to it there was only one thing he cared about.

 

As he lowered his arm, he blinked as his eyes got used to the light. The Doctor crawled across to River, kneeling beside her head. She was the same, still his River Song, and in fact nothing seemed to have changed. He let his head fall into his hands, though he jolted back upright as he heard a gasp. 

 

She opened her eyes, turning her gaze to him at once. She struggled to bring as much air into her lungs as she could, not knowing exactly what had happened but feeling from the pain in her chest that she had not been breathing. The weight of the world was threatening to bring her down, but before she succumbed to it River stole a few precious moments staring at the love of her life who, for a while, she had believed that she would never see again.

 

River managed to twitch her lips into a fleeting smile. And as her eyes closed, not in death but sleep, she whispered a word, hardly louder than a breath.

‘Sweetie…’

The Doctor could feel tears stinging his eyes, but he didn’t let them fall. Leaning forwards he kissed her forehead tenderly.

 

He heard the Tardis whirring as the shields were enhanced to give them full protection once more. ‘I’ll leave it to you old girl,’ he said fondly, knowing that whatever had just happened was down to his remarkable ship. Somehow, he fathomed, whatever regeneration energy River had retained no matter how little it was had been exposed to the time vortex. This had in some way enhanced its power, allowing River’s body to repair itself if only to the level where she was no longer on the brink of death. The Tardis had known what to do when he hadn’t; though there were still things the Doctor didn’t understand. He could just about guess what had saved his wife, but it didn’t entirely add up.

 

For now though, all he needed to know was that River was alive and those questions could be left for another time. As gently as he could he took River into his arms and stood, carrying her slowly to the nearest bedroom. A little colour had come back to her cheeks, but it was easy to see that she was not by any means fully recovered. The Doctor laid her down on the bed, placing her as carefully as if she were made of glass and paused for a moment thinking what to do next.

 

Looking down at his hands he saw that they were covered in River’s blood, as was his shirt. He went to the adjoining bathroom and washed his hands and arms, finding a new shirt in one of the drawers of the side table. Buttoning it up the Doctor returned to River’s side, reluctant to leave her for more than a minute. Her own top had been soaked with scarlet, so much so that it was difficult to tell what colour it had been. He knew that he had to remove it, to see the extent of River’s injuries and do what little he could to clean and dress them.

 

But he hesitated. It seemed wrong, as if he was taking some of her dignity by undressing her while she was unconscious. He cared for her so deeply and they had known each other so completely, yet this felt like an intrusion.

 

Even so, he could not leave her in this state so the Doctor with delicate hands undid the bowtie around her shoulder and started to remove her outer clothing as gently as possible; he wasn’t prepared for what he found beneath.

 

With her skin uncovered the true extent of what River had been through was impossible to hide. Her wrist had been broken, the same one he had healed in New York, and the bruising around her neck was exposed to reveal the shape of a hand with fingers coiled around her throat. It made the Doctor feel physically ill. Her chest and torso were mottled with bruises, some dark purple and others sickly yellow, and there were scratches on her thighs. Taking it all in, what hurt the most was the realisation which took a while to dawn on him – some of these bruises were old.

 

There were marks where it appeared River had half healed broken ribs, and her arms were covered with old lesions. Whoever had done this had done it before, and he had sent her right back to him. That night, so long ago now, when they had just left Italy; the Doctor remembered how scared she had been when he said they should go back. He had assumed afterwards that it was because of the charges she faced, but now it all seemed to make sense. A single tear fell down his cheek, splashing onto River’s richly coloured skin.

 

Taking a cloth and a bowl of water, the Doctor sat beside the woman he had failed for hours gently washing the blood from her body. He cleaned the stab wound in her shoulder and bound it with a bandage as best he could, knowing that despite his name he was no healer. There was blood in her hair from where she had hit her head, but he did as best he could.

 

When he had done all that he could, the Doctor found a nightgown in the wardrobe and made River as comfortable as he could in the bed. She had not even stirred as he moved her, and whilst he was glad that she hadn’t been hurt by his touch it still worried him. Taking her injured wrist in his hand, the Doctor closed his eyes and concentrated. He felt the warmth of the energy transferring from his body to hers as he healed her wrist for the second time. If that was the only real help he could do, then he wasn’t about to hesitate.

 

The Doctor took his sonic screwdriver and tried to scan River to assess her condition beyond what he could see, but it crackled and snapped refusing to co-operate and eventually it became so hot that he had to drop it on the floor where it lay, discarded. The aura of the regeneration energy played havoc with its settings, the Doctor decided; it was a logical answer to a difficult question.

 

After that there was nothing to do but wait. He took River’s hand and held it tightly, sitting beside her, unmoving, and watching her slumber.

‘I love you,’ he whispered, kissing her fingers. ‘And I am so…so sorry.’


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Doctor never did enjoy waiting

He waited by her side, never moving an inch. Sometimes he talked to her, whispering in her ear things that until now it had been impossible for him to say; most of the time he just watched her in silence. For so long the Doctor had never been patient enough to wait ten minutes, but now he wouldn’t dream of leaving River.

 

Impatience, however, was replaced with grave concern. Although he knew that River’s body needed time to heal before she would be strong enough to waken, every moment her eyes remained closed the Doctor worried for her more. He had no way of knowing whether she was doing better or worse, no way to help her; he was lost.

 

Days crawled by like years, with the Doctor checking every few minutes that his wife was still breathing. It was almost a week before River moved at all. His hand was locked around hers as it always was, and he felt the soft flutter of her fingers beneath his own. At first he thought that he had imagined it, but River let a soft moan escape her lips as she stirred a little. Though her eyes remained closed, it was certainly an improvement and when she dropped back into a deep slumber the Doctor kissed her forehead.

‘That’s my girl.’

 

These stirrings seemed to happen more often over the next few days, and while every time they occurred the Doctor felt River coming back to him he soon began to realise what they were. She was becoming more aware certainly, but with this he suspected that she was trapped within her own dreams. Sometimes her expression was contorted with fear and she would wrestle with the sheets until she was too exhausted to fight, and every so often she would cry out; once he swore that she muttered ‘Doctor’.

 

It was painful to watch, heart breaking, but there was nothing he could do but stroke her hair and help her through it. She was coming back to him, slowly but surely, and that was what mattered.

 

When River finally opened her eyes, the first thing she saw was the Doctor’s head resting beside her with his eyes closed. It made her smile, in spite of everything, and she channelled what little energy she had into lifting her hand and placing it gently in his tussle of brown hair. The feel of it between her fingers was like heaven after so long and River felt tears sting her eyes.

 

The Doctor’s eyes opened slowly and he cursed himself for allowing sleep to take over him, until he saw River and he sat bolt upright.

‘River, I…’ he stuttered, not sure what to say after so long. ‘Are…how are you feeling?’

‘Tired,’ she rasped, ‘but alive.’

‘That’s a good start,’ the Doctor beamed, so happy to see her that nothing else mattered. ‘Do you want some water?’

River nodded. He sprinted into the bathroom and filled a glass, almost spilling it over himself as he ran back and helped her to drink.

 

‘I’ve missed you,’ he said, feeling every beat of his hearts against his chest. A tear fell from the corner of River’s eye.

‘Me too,’ she whispered. The Doctor reached towards her and stroked away the moisture from her cheek with his thumb and by the time he had pulled back she was sleeping, far more peacefully than she had in the past few days.

 

River drifted in and out for a while, waking for a little longer each time. The Doctor had so many questions, so many things that needed to be said but he knew that she wasn’t ready yet so he kept his silence. Every now and again he would leave for a second to check on the Tardis, which had taken charge of itself drifting in and out of the vortex and stopping at random irregular points in time. The Doctor didn’t question it; it had saved River’s life, the child of the Tardis, and it seemed to know what it was doing.

 

After one of his routine checks, he came back to see River propped up on some pillows looking considerably more awake than usual. The Doctor sat on the bed beside her.

‘Hello sweetie,’ she said smiling, though it didn’t quite reach her eyes.

‘I haven’t heard that in far too long,’ he answered. ‘Do you want anything? Tea? Food?’

She shook her head. ‘Not quite yet.’

 

The Doctor’s eyes glanced over her, noticing her collarbones so clearly visible beneath her skin. She had lost weight, and although he always thought her beautiful he couldn’t help but notice.

‘You should try and eat something to keep your strength up,’ he suggested.

‘I know,’ she sighed, ‘but I’m not sure I could stomach it.’

There was a pause as those questions they had both been putting off lingered in the air.

‘River-‘

‘Please,’ begged River, ‘not now.’

‘We have to talk about it,’ the Doctor reminded her quietly. ‘At one point or another we will just have to.’

‘I accept that I just… I can’t face how stupid I’ve been.’

‘You’re not-‘

 

He was cut off as River grimaced and put a hand to her abdomen, bending over.

‘What is it?’

‘Nothing just…just cramp,’ she said through gritted teeth, though a whimper broke free as the pain knotted in her stomach.

‘That’s not true.’

‘I…I don’t know what it is,’ admitted River, ‘but God only knows what I can do about it.’

‘I wish I could help,’ the Doctor assured her, shaking his head.

‘None of this is your fault, not a thing do you understand me? You saved my life and I can never tell you how much it meant to have you there when…when I was at my lowest.’

‘I didn’t save you, the Tardis did I still don’t even know how. It sort of…made you regenerate in part to keep you alive, using your own energy. I just had to sit there and pray that it worked.’

River’s nose wrinkled in confusion; she hadn’t thought that she had any energy left at all. But this was not the time for such questions.

 

‘The Tardis didn’t pick me up, it didn’t catch me when I fell. You have saved me every time I’ve seen you, in every way a person can be saved. I would have died long ago without you.’

The Doctor put his hands on either side of her head and pulled her into a passionate kiss, every emotion from the past few weeks flooding into their embrace.

 

When they finally pulled apart for air River was blissfully shattered. She lay back on her pillow, eyes closing as her hand wrapped around her husband’s where it belonged.

‘I love you,’ she breathed as the world grew darker. She heard her words echoed as she was pulled down, and slept without a dream.

 

It took a while for River to grow strong enough to get out of bed, with the Doctor coaxing her to eat as much as he could. He wasn’t very good at it, and she was a terrible patient, but they both gave in to some extent. River’s Time Lord DNA meant that she could go longer without food as could the Doctor, but after so long without any she needed to eat to give her any strength at all.

 

Though her shoulder still gave her some trouble, it wasn’t too long before the bruises began to fade and after a month River could walk around, if a little slower than usual. They often walked together to the library or the kitchen, but both began to grow a little restless in the confines of the Tardis.

‘Will you stay with me for a bit?’ the Doctor asked.

‘Yes,’ answered River at once, not wanting to have to face what was waiting for her back at Stormcage, ‘but we have to be careful. They started using time agents a while ago to scout for me when they realised I could disappear, knowing I had my vortex manipulator and if either of us are seen we really are in trouble.’

‘Simple visits, I promise.’

 

They went first to a beach on the island of Carribbea, lying in the sun and paddling at the water’s edge completely alone on sand which stretched across an entire continent. Although they were nearly enslaved in ancient Egypt over a dispute concerning Cleopatra and an angry cat, for the most part they simply drifted through unnoticed, much quieter than usual. They never stayed anywhere for more than a few hours.

 

Sitting on the golden hills of Crespallion beneath a coconut tree, the Doctor finally decided that he couldn’t wait any longer.

‘Who was it?’

River looked at him with an expression which was so melancholy that he almost took back the question; but he didn’t.

‘A soldier,’ she said finally, ‘he became a guard at the prison by pulling strings.’

‘Why? What did you ever do to him?’

‘He held a grudge. His uncle was Father Octavian, and he blamed me for his death though I think in the end he…he just felt empowered.’

The Doctor felt a lump in his throat. Father Octavian had died because he had been unable to save him, because he hadn’t been looking at the right time.

‘No,’ River snapped, bringing him back from his thoughts, ‘I know what you’re thinking and no, it wasn’t your fault. You can’t save everyone.’

‘I should have saved you from him,’ the Doctor spat, angry at himself more than anyone else. ‘Why didn’t you tell me?’

 

‘I…I don’t know. You couldn’t have helped.’

‘I could have tried.’

‘I suppose telling you meant accepting that it was real,’ River admitted, her eyes sparkling with sadness. ‘I am supposed to be a strong and fearless woman and yet a half fit man with a temper could floor me and there was nothing I could do. I felt weaker when he was there, as if I had never fought before. He…scared me.’

‘How many times,’ the Doctor asked, his voice quiet.

‘Enough,’ she answered.

‘You said no more secrets,’ he recalled, ‘you told me there was nothing else.’

‘I lied.’

‘And where did that get you? I would never have left you anywhere near that prison if I had known! I would have found that…monster and-‘

‘And what?’ River cut him off. ‘What would you have done?’ She could feel the Doctor’s rage like a pulsing aura surrounding him. He couldn’t meet her eyes.

‘I don’t know,’ he said quietly, ’but I would have done something.’

 

There was a lengthy silence before River spoke again.

‘Have you ever felt so lost, so out of control that it’s as if there is no way back?’

‘Yes,’ nodded the Doctor, thinking of that night panicking with River dying in his arms.

‘It’s like drowning,’ she told him, ‘I’ve never felt so alone. Even when I was a child, from what I can remember, I managed to get through it but with his hand around my neck…’

Her voice broke and the Doctor’s anger seemed to melt away in an instant as he looked at her, seeing that she was barely holding back tears.

 

Without saying another word he moved towards her and let her fall into his arms, her head resting in the nape of his neck as she let go of everything. The Doctor held her close, one hand in her hair and the other at the small of her back as her tears soaked his shirt.

‘You never need to feel alone,’ he whispered, finding his own eyes wet, ‘I will always, always be there.’

 

‘I’m sorry,’ said River as she finally lifted her head, ‘I am so sorry I should have told you.’

‘It’s not your fault,’ he promised, kissing her forehead, ‘none of this is. I should never have gotten so angry. I just couldn’t stand knowing that someone else had hurt you, and seeing you so ill…’

‘It’s done now,’ she insisted, ‘he’s gone and I am better. But I am not looking forward to going back there.’

‘Ah, but I do have a plan.’ A fleeting smile graced the River’s cheeks.

‘A plan?’

‘A way out,’ he grinned, ‘an answer. I was coming to tell you about it before everything else got in the way. River?’

 

River had turned a sickly white, her eyes glazed over as she struggled with stabbing pains in her abdomen which never seemed to cease entirely. It passed though in a few seconds as it always did.

‘Fine,’ she managed after a moment to compose herself, ‘I’m fine it’s just a twinge.’

‘A twinge? Never trust a twinge.’

‘Honestly it’s nothing,’ River reiterated. ‘Now….your plan?’

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just to say that I'm off on holiday so a mini 2 week or so hiatus is on the cards I'm afraid


	13. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> River is preparing to return to Stormcage to face her demons.  
> A short chapter which was half of a longer one to be updated soon.

River ran her fingers over the cool metal of the Tardis console. She was enjoying a rare and peaceful moment of being alone, and the sound of silence was welcoming to her ears. The Doctor didn’t like to leave her even if it was only for a second, but she could understand that. He was only worrying about her, and there were far worse ways to react to their current predicament than caring.

 

She had stayed with him for longer than she had initially intended to, and although River was reluctant to admit it she was enjoying having the Doctor around. It made her feel safe…well, safer at least. Maybe it was cowardly to hide away in a big blue box running from the truth, but perhaps over the past few months she had earned the right to a little cowardice.

 

For the first time in her life, she had somewhat of a routine. Their idea of structure was not quite as simple as an average couple’s, but it worked for them. River felt as if she belonged there, whereas earlier she had thought herself a stranger at the Doctor’s side as she watched him fly off without her after every adventure.

 

He was helping her every day without even knowing it. They could spend an entire day just curled up in the library, poring over the delicate pages of ancient Gallifreyan texts. River loved to listen to the old stories, the fairytales, and often asked the Doctor to read to her. He spoke the majestic language so beautifully, the words flowing like a stream through summer grasses and caressing her ears.

 

At night they would sleep in each other’s arms, something so simple yet which meant so much to River. She had never felt so close to someone, not even her own parents, and when she was in the Doctor’s embrace she felt at peace…almost.

 

She knew that she couldn’t hide things from him any more, not after the lies she had spun and become caught up in. Still, that didn’t mean she told him everything. There were nights when she would wake, sweat beading on her forehead and her breathing short and desperate from the nightmares. Yet still whenever he asked she said those fateful words, _‘I’m fine’_.

 

Every time those words had left her lips they had been a lie. In all honesty, River wasn’t sure that she ever would be truly fine again. And she could deal with that; she had always been damaged goods, ever since she was a child. But every single time she let those words slip out of her mouth she knew it was a deception.

 

Before all of this had happened she had never really considered herself to be a liar. She had only bent the truth to stop younger versions of this wonderful man discovering things he was not yet ready to know. Now she wasn’t so sure.

 

Wrapped beneath his arms though, River couldn’t deny that she felt protected. The dreams were only visions, despite the effect they had on her; she knew that she wasn’t endangered by them. The Doctor had never left her side at night, not even for a second – maybe he knew more than she gave him credit for.

 

Every now and then they would risk a trip to somewhere amazing, which could last from as little as 5 minutes to as much as a few days. River hardly noticed the weeks slip by into months until she stopped to think about it. They were running, like they always did; running away in fear of looking back or moving forwards.

 

That was when she had asked him again about his plan. They sat down with a cup of tea and a Jammie Dodger and the Doctor told her everything.

‘Charlotte Manton,’ he said simply. ‘Do you know her?’

‘Yes, in a way. She was one of the new members on the Stormcage Board, the one who first told me what I was up against.’

‘Recognise the surname?’

River thought for a moment: Manton. It did ring a soft bell in the back of her mind, but not clearly enough for her to give him an answer.

 

‘Colonel Manton,’ the Doctor continued, ‘was part of the team at Demon’s Run. He was Charlotte’s father.’

‘Colonel Runaway?’ She recalled the stories, though had never met the man himself. By the time she had reached the battle he was long gone.

‘Exactly,’ he grinned. ‘Charlotte Manton joined the board at the prison only two weeks before they acted on the orders from the Shadow Proclamation and ordered your case to be reassessed. She had been working in associated areas for a few months before that, planning on infiltrating a position of influence.’

‘What does she want? Revenge for her father? I didn’t think his disgrace was my fault as well.’

‘No,’ the Doctor agreed, ‘I don’t think it’s that simple. See Charlotte was being paid by a private company off public records, on something called the Omega Programme. Only it doesn’t exist. The Omega Programme is a cover-up, a puppet of the real source of the money – Demon’s Run.’

 

River didn’t quite know how to respond.

‘How…but what does that mean?’

‘It means that the people who were running the operation at Demon’s Run are paying Charlotte to make your life a misery.’

‘Why?’

‘I don’t know exactly,’ the Doctor sighed, ‘but I can guess. You did the job they wanted you to do, you killed me. I think they might be trying to tie up loose ends.’

‘So the Silence is behind this? It doesn’t seem to be their style of attack…’ River pointed out.

‘No,’ he agreed, ‘but they may not be at the head of this. The Silence are a religious order, but they could be being influenced I…I don’t really know.’

 

‘So what do we do?’ She smiled at him but it was more for show. They were after her again, the terrors from her childhood just to tie up loose ends, and she didn’t even know who they were exactly.

‘Well first things first we can get the charges against you thrown out immediately. A friend with a head in a box provided me with some paperwork, evidence that Miss Manton is being paid from an outside source which is illegal for any board member. She suggested the death penalty, so with her integrity in question they cannot pursue it. All you have to do is show it in the courtroom and it’s done.’

‘But…that doesn’t really solve the root of the problem, does it? Someone paid her to do this, they aren’t going to give up.’

‘They might,’ the Doctor said optimistically, ‘and we can find out more once this is done. At least then they can’t use Stormcage against you.’

 

It seemed like the start of a much greater battle, one River wasn’t sure that she was ready for, but at least the trial now seemed simple enough. Standing alone in the Tardis control room, knowing that outside those doors was the little cell she had left all that time ago, every memory of that night came flooding back. She had closed her eyes for the worst of it, but that didn’t mean that she couldn’t remember every single second.

 

Her hand tingled as if someone had touched it and she jerked it away at once, stepping back though no-one was there. River tried to breathe deeply but her head was swimming, her stomach was doing backflips and she felt as if she was about to fall.

 

‘River?’

His voice brought her crashing back to reality, and she opened her eyes to see him walking towards her.

‘Are you okay?’

‘Fine,’ she smiled weakly, ’have you got them?’

The Doctor handed her the sheets of paper which could save her life, at least for now. In their lives death seemed to always be around the corner, but it was best to keep it just that far away.

‘We can wait a few more days, there’s no rush,’ he suggested for at least the third time that day. River shook her head.

‘I can’t keep putting it off,’ she told him. ‘With this it should be easy, nothing to worry about. I’ll be-‘

‘Fine?’ the Doctor said, finishing her sentence.

‘Yes.’

‘I…I don’t like sending you back there, with him still…’

‘He is not important,’ River assured him. ‘He’s nothing, no-one, and he won’t be there before the trial. It would be too risky. Can we just leave him for another day? He doesn’t deserve your fear…or mine.’

He looked into her eyes, losing himself in them and wondering how much they were able to hide.

‘You’re ready?’

‘I am.’

He pulled her into his arms, kissing her softly but longingly.

 

‘I’ll be right in the back, you know that,’ he whispered into her ear.

‘Stay hidden,’ she warned.

‘It’ll all be over in a few hours, I promise. It will all be okay.’

‘You’ll have to take me somewhere to celebrate,’ River smiled as they parted, almost aching as she left the comfort of his embrace.

‘I’ll think of something.’

 

They never said goodbye, not with words at least, but that last look which passed between them said everything. It said I love you, it said be safe and I’ll be there when you need me. As River left the Tardis, she felt as if she were leaving a piece of her heart behind; the only piece that mattered.


	14. Chapter 14

It felt as though she was stepping back in time as she left the Tardis and returned to her cell. Only a few hours had passed since River had left, and a dim morning light was seeping in through the small barred window. The room seemed cold, and the stagnant smell of blood was still faintly lingering.

 

Having sealed herself in, River closed her eyes and took slow deep breaths. It wasn’t easy to be back here, but she wasn’t going to let it beat her. As she tried to stay calm she could feel the rough skin of Baines’ fingers coiling around her neck, her throat constricting and the words of protest dying before they could reach her lips… But when she opened her eyes he wasn’t there. The cell was empty, silent, and she was alone; and for now that was enough for her to hold on to.

 

The Doctor had tried several times to beg her not to go. It would have been so easy just to give into him, to stay another day or week or month and run away from the past; but River knew that she couldn’t. She had to return to this room and relive every moment of that night in her head because otherwise she could never face the fear it instilled within her, and she would have to live with it forever.

 

River folded the papers and tucked them into the pocket of her dress, feeling the comforting weight of it against her leg as she paced.  It was a lifeline, just for now if not forever but that was enough. There were things yet to face, Baines being one of them, but battling Stormcage was an easy hurdle to overcome and after today it would not be looming over her like everything else adding to her worries.

 

She knew that the Doctor would not have let her come had she not promised that Baines would be nowhere in sight. River knew beyond a doubt that he would not show his face throughout the trial; his message had been a goodbye ‘gift’, and he didn’t need to draw attention to himself on such a public stage. Somehow knowing this didn’t make River feel any better. He had the ability to entice fear from within her without even needing to be in the room.

 

The minutes seemed to be crawling by like hours, each more painfully slow than the last. She eventually gave up and sat on the floor, unable to face the bed at the other side of the room. Even looking at the simple cream sheets made her stomach twist painfully; that was one thing River knew she would never divulge to the Doctor. She trusted him completely, with her life and her heart and everything that mattered most to her, but she knew that it would kill him to know everything. He would never look at her the same way again, and so for both their sakes River decided to keep one more secret.

 

It was sad when she thought back on it. For a while she had been comfortable, in a sort of routine where the Doctor would dance in and out of her life often enough to keep her happy and she was allowed to pursue her own academic interests in prison. Before that day in Utah River’s life by her own admittance had been a mess.

 

There were parts she couldn’t remember, some she didn’t want to, and many parts she was ashamed of despite the fact that she had little control over he own actions. The Doctor had forgiven her a long time ago and never even thought of those days she was sure, but it was harder for her to forget.

 

Of her early childhood River only remembered faint screams, the astronaut suit and always waking up afraid. At some point she had been brainwashed, but most of that was gone now. She knew some of the things she had done, including and preceding Berlin, but really her life had begun when the Doctor whispered those little words in her ear.

 

Everything after that had been happy, if a little dysfunctional. River had met her parents again, got to know them, and spent half a lifetime with the Doctor exploring the universe; what was better than that? She should have known that all good things had to come to an end in time. Why like this?

 

Looking in the mirror River could hardly recognise herself. She was drawn, the fear plain to see in her eyes despite her strong demeanour, and every word that slipped from her mouth seemed to be a lie. For whatever reason she couldn’t just sit with the Doctor and tell him the truth, the whole truth with every little detail out in the open. Whether it was selfish or selfless River didn’t know.

 

She hoped that after all this was done they could rekindle some sense of those happy times, the blissful years where she could live in the moment and not care about the consequences. In her heart though, River knew that things would never be quite the same again.

 

‘We’re ready for you now.’

 

River looked up to see Charlotte Manton with two armed guards she didn’t recognise standing at the cell door. She hadn’t even heard them coming.

‘Right,’ she muttered, standing up and brushing off her skirt. The feeling of the folded paper in her pocket was reassuring, though there were still butterflies in her chest. _This won’t last long_ she told herself. _You’ve got her._

Xxx

 

It was such a simple plan. So few things could go wrong; but that was it, wasn’t it? There was always something that could go wrong.

 

The Doctor had watched River leave with such a pain and longing in his hearts that it was all he could do not to run after her. If there had been another way to do this which didn’t endanger somebody’s life or give Manton a chance to run then they would be doing it; this was it. He had lingered in the Tardis for a while, watching River until she left with the guards before finally dematerialising and landing at the back of the prepared courtroom with invisibility cloaking his presence.

 

He noted that there wasn’t a jury, which suggested that the verdict had already been decided, though the stands for the public were full. The Doctor spotted cameras and journalists sitting waiting even an hour before the trial was due to begin and it made his blood boil. They were all ready to see her finally put to death over the greatest crime in the universe, clamouring for a picture of the moment River was sentenced. It was sickening.

 

The waiting was killing him. All he wanted was to burst out of the Tardis doors and proclaim himself alive, to show the world that he wasn’t dead and leave River free to walk away. If only it were that simple. If the Silence knew that he was alive, then they would simply take up arms against him once more. The Doctor had accepted his end a long time ago when he had first thought it inevitable, but there were people he cared about who had been hurt last time and he wasn’t about to let that happen again.

 

Not to her. Not after everything she had been through for him. It was that last thought he couldn’t quite shake. River was in prison for him, to keep his secret quiet, and if he had been brave enough to face his enemies in the first place then she would have been safe. That fact would always be in the back of his mind every time he saw sadness in her eyes, and the Doctor didn’t know whether he could live with that.

 

He was snapped from the depths of these thoughts as the room erupted with noise, and he ran to the screen in time to see the judges and Stormcage Board take their positions at the high table. Manton was one of the last to take their seats, fiddling with her hair as she sat and looking flustered. She had no idea what was coming, and that was enough for a small smile to creep across the Doctor’s face.

 

When River entered the room the roar of the crowd was even louder. Cameras flashed everywhere as she took her place on the podium behind a panel of thin glass, and people shouted inaudibly in her direction from the stands. Her expression never changed, a look of focused determination never wavering despite the increasing level of noise.

 

The Doctor could hardly breathe. She was flawless, as always, and keeping it together with a strength he couldn’t begin to understand. The room was silenced as Head Judge Palladino stood and put her hands in the air. She had greying hair and soft features, hardly the look of an average high profile judge, but her eyes were as cold and dark as steel.

 

‘I call the trial of Doctor River Song to order,’ she proclaimed, her voice echoing around the silent courtroom. The audience were hanging on her every word, as if they had no idea what she was going to say next.

‘Doctor Song, the charges brought against you are not new in their origins. 12,000 life sentences were awarded to you at the closing of your last trial, and should this court rule in your favour these will still stand. Do you comprehend the meaning of this?’

‘I do, Your Honour,’ River said in a simple, monotone voice.

‘We are here today to decide whether, under the guidelines of the Millennium Agreement, your crimes warrant a death sentence. Let’s start with the prosecution. Mr Marsden, do you have any new evidence to bring to this case?’

 

A scrawny young man, barely 25 years old and wearing a faded grey suit, stood from the benches on the left side of the room.

‘There is no new evidence Your Honour,’ he stated quickly, his tone fraught with nerves as if it were his first case. ‘The prosecution believes that the eye witnesses and Doctor Song’s original confession are withstanding and warrant no further investigation. It is clear to the court that Doctor Song is guilty, by her own admittance, and the severity of her crime is not covered by the Millennium Agreement. Therefore it is clear to us that the new sentence should be implemented without appeal.’

The Doctor wasn’t sure whether to be relived or horrified. The prosecution had made no attempt to change or reiterate their case, knowing how water-tight it had been first time around; they had even allowed this under-qualified child to present their argument. It was pathetic that they didn’t think this worthy of a fight, assuming they had already won, though at least they had not made life more difficult.

 

‘I see,’ the judge mused, ‘you can be seated. Now to the defence. Doctor Song has chosen to represent herself in this matter. Legally, there is nothing preventing this court from changing your sentence here and now from 12,000 lives in prison to death. Do you have any evidence or argument which would prevent this from being implemented?’

The Doctor could hear both hearts thumping against his ribs so loudly it had been difficult to work out what the judge had been saying. River looked down for a moment, and for him the second before she spoke seemed to last a lifetime.

‘No, Your Honour.’

 

He couldn’t believe it. Neither could anyone in the courtroom, or in fact the judge herself.

‘B-but…Doctor Song, without a defence you understand that you will be sentenced to death and removed to await the implementation of this sentence?’

‘I do, Your Honour.’

‘Well I…I suppose if all of the council is in favour?’ Each member of the high table in turn gave a curt nod before Judge Palladino brought the gavel down.

‘Doctor River Song, I hereby sentence you to death by lethal injection. You will be taken to a secure facility where you will be given the usual courtesies and your rights explained. The sentence will be carried out one week from today at 3.00 pm. If we are all in agreement, this trial is over.’

 

The Doctor watched in awe, is brain not quite able to take in everything that was happening. Guards were taking River and handcuffing her, pushing her roughly from the witness box towards the back door as journalists screamed over each other to get a picture. River was calm, walking slowly but surely and not a hint of worry in her expression. It was wrong, all so wrong.

 

When his body caught up with what his eyes were seeing, the Doctor ran to the doors of the Tardis and found them shut.

‘NO,’ he screamed, pounding against the wood, ‘NO YOU HAVE TO LET ME OUT. YOU HAVE TO LET ME SAVE HER.’ The Tardis would not budge, refusing to allow him to leave. But the Doctor kept on hitting the doors with every ounce of energy he had until his hands were raw and tears were streaming down his face. He couldn’t understand. She hadn’t even tried, not even put up a fight…Was this her way of giving up? Had she planned this from the start? No, that wasn’t the he person knew. That wasn’t the woman he had married.

 

But he had to know. He had to see her, to ask her, to tell her everything would be okay and that they would figure it out somehow. Above all he just had to know. When he couldn’t fight any more, the Doctor slid to the floor and let his head fall into his hands. But the Tardis had worked it out. One word lit up the screen as the courtroom faded away.

 

Teselecta

 

Xxx

 

It didn’t take River long to realise that something was wrong. There was a silence pervading the air, as if something were going unspoken that needed to be said. Charlotte was ahead but the guards walking alongside wouldn’t even look at her, and she found it strange that these two seemed completely unfamiliar when she knew pretty much everyone who worked at Stormcage.

 

They turned left at the end of the corridor, and that’s when River’s heart sank. She had been to the courtroom a few times, a block right in the centre of the prison used for internal legal affairs, and they were walking the wrong way.

 

‘I’m pretty sure we were supposed to turn right back there,’ she said tentatively, adrenaline coursing through her veins.

‘Oh don’t worry,’ Manton answered, grinning to herself, ‘we’re going exactly where we need to be.’ The guards each took her by the arm and started pulling her, their grip tight and forceful.

‘You thought you had me there, didn’t you Doctor Song?’


	15. Chapter 15

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Doctor is lost, and River needs him more than ever.

For a moment, River could hear nothing but the sound of the blood running through her veins and the thud of her heart against her ribs. She didn’t feel the pressure where the guards were holding her, far more tightly than they needed to, and she didn’t pay much attention as they dragged her along. This couldn’t be happening.

 

They hadn’t paid enough attention. The Doctor had given her a way out of the trial, of the death penalty, but he hadn’t thought enough about why these things had come about. He had said it was another battle, something to face later when River was out of immediate danger; and now she was here.

 

The guards were taking her towards the cell block’s docking station, she assumed to be thrown onto a ship and taken…anywhere. Everyone was in the courtroom, everyone who could make a difference at least. No-one knew where she was, and River suspected that few of them would care. Different means, same end. She wasn’t walking to a death sentence but that didn’t mean she wasn’t still walking to her death.

 

And he would be there, hiding at the back waiting for her. Everything the Doctor had been so worried about seemed to be happening in one way or another, and River knew that he would blame himself. He would beat himself up about it, get angry and throw things or punch the wall to try and satisfy his anger. But underneath it all he would think that it was his fault, and he would hurt more deeply than he would let on. He didn’t deserve that.

 

River knew that as soon as she left Stormcage she would be powerless. Here at least she was on her own territory, within running distance of someone who could recognise what was happening. It had to be now. There was a fire in her belly, born from hatred built up over months of feeling like a victim. If they wanted her, they were going to have a fight on their hands.

 

Gathering all of her strength, River kicked the guard to her right in the back of the knee taking him by surprise and forcing him to the ground. His grip loosened enough for her to free her arm and punch the other guard square in the jaw and pull his hand off of her arm. She elbowed him in the back, stunning him momentarily and allowing her some time to get a head start.

 

Manton reacted quicker than River had hoped, managing to catch her belt and slow her down. But she turned on her heel and pushed the spindly woman back, kicking her to the floor where her hair came loose from its perfect bun and a trickle of blood ran from the corner of her mouth. The guards were quicker to recover, and were on their feet before River could manage to get much of a lead. They hadn’t been expecting a fight, but now they knew what they were dealing with and it made them incredibly dangerous.

 

The complex labyrinth of corridors and passageways worked in River’s favour, as she could not simply out-run the guards who were far fitter and faster than she was. The entire cell block was mapped out in her head, so she could make quick decisions and find the most favourable route to the courtroom.

 

The first shot was fired after only a minute, and was followed by many more. One grazed River’s elbow, the heat of the blast singing through the sleeve of her dress but doing very little damage.

 

These were trained killers, athletes, and decent shots and yet they were missing her every time even when they were on the same stretch of corridor. They wanted her alive, though that prospect was almost more daunting than the alternative. If they wanted her alive then they needed her for something.

 

Weaving around the shorter thinner passageways surrounding the high security cells, River managed to lose them for a moment. Hiding behind a wall she listened to them, judging how far they were away and deciding that if she moved swiftly and silently she could double back behind them and confuse them long enough to get to where she needed to be.

 

She began jogging down the back passage behind the isolation ward when a pain ripped through her abdomen, so intense that she had to bite her lip to stop herself from screaming. It was debilitating agony which stopped her in her tracks, forcing her to double over and cling to the wall to save her from falling.

 

For a precious few seconds River couldn’t move at all, tears stinging her eyes as the pain pulled her further down towards the darkness. As it finally began to fade, she breathed deeply to try and bring any echo of her strength back but she could hear the guards far closer than they were before.

 

She heard them shout as they noticed her, and tried to run but could only stumble a few steps before falling to her knees. River opened her eyes and looked ahead, knowing that just around the corner perhaps thirty metres ahead there was a way out, a clear route to the courtroom where she could have slipped away.

 

Nausea caused River to close her eyes once more and bend her head almost in submission. One hand lingered over her still tender abdomen, trembling like a leaf being teased from a branch by the wind.

 

She hardly heard the guards coming up behind her, and almost didn’t feel the hard blow to the back of the head which finally pushed her over the edge and into the comforting embrace of darkness. It didn’t matter anymore. They had won, they had got her, and she was once again the victim she so despised within herself.

 

Xxx

 

The Doctor was lost. It hadn’t been River, just a poor copy and he hadn’t known until it was too late. The Tardis couldn’t trace her; it was as if she had fallen off the edge of the Earth. And the Teselecta was so closely guarded due to the fact that the guards still assumed that they had River captive that it could provide no use.

 

River could be anywhere and he no idea how he could find her. There were no unusual energy signatures, no ships had left the docking station and the only thing the Tardis could tell him was that she was no longer in Stormcage.

 

The Doctor knew that he should never have allowed her to come here. River had promised him that she was safe and ready, that it would all be over in a few hours and he didn’t need to protect her. She had been wrong, but he had been careless.

 

Sitting in the Tardis he felt nothing, only a sense of emptiness. She had slipped through his fingers again, and there was no easy solution.

‘I’ll find you,’ he said aloud. ‘Wherever you are River, I am coming.’

The words hurt his throat as he realised that he wasn’t sure that they were truthful. The Doctor felt the warmth of tears against his cheek, and a welling of emotion in his chest.

 

He had always loved River, even if it was in his own special way. But now he knew what it truly felt like to be in love, pining so longingly for someone that it physically hurt. It felt like drowning, being unable to breathe or think or scream. It was such a strong feeling that it was almost overwhelming, a sensation so powerful that nothing else mattered.

 

This is what it was like to love someone so deeply that your life was broken without them. And all the Doctor could do was think of the last time he had seen her. River’s hair was wild as usual, bouncing on her shoulders as she walked towards the door. Her hips swayed a little, just enough to notice if you knew where to look. He remembered her eyes, gorgeous deep pools of blue and green like the colours of a summer ocean. She had smiled, for a second perhaps, but the Doctor knew her eyes had been begging him to ask her not to go. He had said nothing. He had let her go, and now…now she was gone.

 

Xxx

 

It took River a while to wake up. Her head was throbbing where she had been hit, and her vision was so blurred that she wasn’t even sure if her eyes were open. The nausea and dizziness were overwhelming, and made her head feel so heavy that it was difficult to lift it. But she wasn’t quite beaten yet.

 

After a few minutes, she managed to get a look at where she was. Everything was bright white, almost clinically so, but she could see blurred figures walking around her. River tried to sit up, but the nausea pulled her back down to lying position though the cold metal beneath her body was hardly a comfort. There were voices, distant but definitely there, but she couldn’t make out the words.

 

‘Where…where am I…’ River managed to ask in a weak, flimsy tone.

‘Don’t worry about that now, just rest,’ a voice replied, one eerily similar to another she had heard before. But it couldn’t be…

‘Where…’ She was too dazed to continue, feeling the weight of her body dragging her into unconsciousness and trying to resist.

 

‘Can we give her something to put her to sleep?’

‘She’s already confused, we don’t want to risk anything.’

Hearing these voices around her made River more determined to pull herself into the waking world but it was slow going. She tried once more to sit up, and felt a gentle hand support her back and help her to do so.

‘Might as well get this over with.’

 

It took her a while to be able to stay sitting without feeling as if she was about to collapse. She tried to reach her hand to her thumping head, but felt something pull it back. Opening her eyes and adjusting to the light, River looked down and saw shackles around her wrists with chains which allowed her only restricted movement. Her ankles were more tightly bound, so much so that she couldn’t move her legs at all.

 

‘What…where am I?’ she asked again. River saw a few doctors coming in and out of the room, but when she looked to her left her heart went cold. She could never forget the sight of those horrible things, tall and suited with dead black eyes. There was a silent on either side of her, as if they were her guards. Thinking rationally River took the nails of her right hand and scratched her left until she drew blood.

 

When she looked away, the fear at least subsided but when she saw her left hand River just knew.

‘Feeling better?’

The voice was cold and cruel, without any kind of feeling, and now that she was behind her River remembered exactly where she had heard that voice before.

‘You’re dead,’ she answered quietly.

‘And yet here I am.’

 

Madame Kovarian moved around into view, standing in front of River with a sickening smile.

‘That’s impossible.’

‘Not impossible, just unlikely.’

 

Kovarian looked exactly the same, down to the tight black skirt and eye-drive covering part of her face. She was a symbol to River of everything that had gone wrong in her life. This woman had taken her from her mother, destroyed her life and forced her to kill the man she loved. Well…almost. She had taken River’s childhood, her innocence, and here she was large as life and back again. Sometimes there was no justice.

 

‘What do you want? What more could you possibly want from me?’ asked River, her hatred bubbling deep in her soul.

‘Oh, I think you know,’ Kovarian teased. ‘The one unique thing in this universe.’

‘What? I don’t…’ she stuttered. Kovarian’s smile widened.

‘You…you don’t know do you? You have no idea.’ The laugh which escaped her lips could frighten a small child. It was a high and frigid sound, the only laugh River had ever heard without a speck of joy.

 

Kovarian leaned in close and whispered in River’s ear.

‘You’re pregnant,’ she hissed, ‘and that baby is mine.’


	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it has been so long...been at university for the first two weeks. Will be more updates sooner and longer ones too

It took a few minutes for the words to really sink in. At first it seemed beyond belief, something so impossible that there was nowhere to begin with such a concept, but as those few syllables began to sink in it she knew; she just knew. Hearing the blood pulsing at her temples, the rest of the world was a blur and it was as if she could feel it inside her; life. Another life existing within her own. It was a powerful feeling, and yet still beautiful, but as soon as she came to accept that it was true the reality of the situation bore down on her with the weight of a thousand planets.

 

The world came rushing back, and the first thing River saw was Kovarian’s face smiling at her mockingly. Her eyes were both as cold as ice and as bright as they had ever been, bearing deep into River’s soul like a knife and twisting. Her instincts took over and she lunged forwards, reaching out to try and grasp the older woman’s neck and wipe the smug grin off her face. But she kept on smiling.

 

The shackles binding her wrists locked in place, the chain giving no more length so that she was only just too far away to reach her intended target. The anger bubbling within her felt powerful enough to overcome her restraints and River pulled against them, fighting in desperation, but they were too strong. The chains recoiled, pulling the shackles back to the flat of the metal bench and her down with it so that she was forced back into a lying position and unable to move.

 

River squirmed and tried to move, feeling tears stinging her eyes as the world came crumbling down around her. The only thing she could think to do was try and fight, though what it would achieve she could not say. Her arms were pinned down beside her, so that she could only really raise her head – just enough for her to see Kovarian standing over her, still smiling.

‘We need to put her to sleep,’ she said in a bitter, sickly tone.

‘I’m afraid we’re still not sure what is safe ma’am…the baby…’ one of the doctors stuttered.

‘Just knock her out as cleanly as you can, hold off on the drugs until we know what is safe.’

‘B-but…what d-do you want me to-‘ Her smile was gone.

‘I don’t care how you do it just shut her up!’ Kovarian spat at the poor man who seemed terrified even to breathe in her presence. River would have felt sorry for him had he not been discussing how best to make her unconscious.

 

She stopped fighting. She had to; even adrenaline only gave someone so much energy, and now even breathing seemed exhausting. River’s body went limp, and Kovarian’s smile returned.

‘She’s even making it easy for you.’

‘You’re dead,’ River whispered, her eyes starting to close. ‘You’re dead.’

‘Not anymore,’ she heard Kovarian say, just before she felt a sharp pain in her head and everything dissolved into darkness.


	17. Chapter 17

Days or weeks passed, she couldn’t tell the difference anymore. It was as if she were lost in a suffocating fog, and every time she came near to the light it pulled her back into its depths. Everything was black. 

Through the haze she saw the woman, singing to the baby in her arms by the side of the fountain. The child was silent, staring up at its mother with adoring eyes. Those beautiful blue eyes turned to River, watching her with an unprecedented innocence as the baby faded away for nothing. River heard the mother’s sobs as her arms grew empty, and when she looked to the woman’s face she saw her own contorted with sadness.

When she finally gasped back into the waking world, the lights were all too bright for her eyes. She was no longer strapped down, though there was something cold and metallic around her neck. She found herself alone in a padded cell, one wall covered by thick black glass. River tried to lift herself from the floor but her body was too weak. Her arms couldn’t hold her up, and everything seemed to ache so she just had to lie there, her mind racing.

She didn’t remember much after Kovarian had spoken to her, nothing at all really, but she remembered the older woman’s words as clear as day.   
You…you don’t know do you? You have no idea.  
You’re pregnant.  
River felt panic grip her like a hand around her throat, and she started to hyperventilate. Pregnant. She was pregnant. Pregnant and alone…

‘Her heart rate has gone right up,’ Erickson whispered to Kovarian as they watched her from behind the glass.   
‘Leave her a moment.’  
‘But ma’am-‘  
‘I said leave her,’ Kovarian snapped, her eyes fixed on the woman she had despised for so long.  
‘Her breathing is too fast, she’s going to injure herself,’ the young doctor tried again.   
‘Isn’t that precisely what we have been doing,’ she muttered. ‘Fine, I’ll talk to her. Let her see me.’

‘Well, you’re back with us I see.’  
River felt a knot in the pit of her stomach. Despite her body’s protests she forced herself to sit up, leaning back against the wall and looking up at the face of evil.  
‘You know he’s coming,’ she said, trying to keep her voice strong, ‘and when I’m free with a gun in my hand I will make sure you die properly this time.’  
‘I’m sure,’ Kovarian smiled, ‘but you’re not in the best position to be doing anything much right now, are you?’  
River’s hands went to the band around her neck, and her heart fell as she knew exactly what it was. She was tethered like a dog, and entirely at their mercy.  
‘I assume you know what it does?’  
‘Yes,’ River murmured, barely audibly.  
‘There’s enough artron energy stored in that little ring to power the TARDIS. If you leave this room, it will course through your veins and kill you in a heartbeat, is that understood?’

River didn’t give her the satisfaction of a reply. They were dosing her with artron energy to enhance her immune system and to empower the baby, that much was clear enough to see, but her body wasn’t strong enough to cope with the stress. She was stronger than the average human, but River didn’t know if she could take months more of this level of pain.

But then another thought dawned on her. A time lord child would flourish on artron energy. The baby would grow stronger, despite her own weakness. But why would they want the baby strong? Only if they were going to take it, like they took her, ripped from its mother’s arms at birth and trained to kill or worse. A time lord was a weapon, and they wanted to breed one.

‘Tell me,’ River started, her voice shaking with anger, ‘tell me how it is you are still alive.’  
‘Happy coincidence. Your mother killed me, as I’m sure you know, for everything I did to her…to you…But that was when time had stopped and the universe was facing its end. As everything adjusted back into its rightful place, one or two things didn’t make it back as they should have. Amy killed me for you; seems almost an insult to her memory that I’m standing here now, doesn’t it?’

Kovarian felt a cruel sense of joy enlightening her as she tormented River. There were tears forming in her eyes, and she wanted so badly to stand up and fight her but she was just too weak. That made it all the sweeter.

‘Don’t you ever talk about her,’ River spat. ‘You’re not worthy of saying her name.’  
‘Hit a sweet spot have I? Your mother is dead, Melody Pond, yet I am still alive. And I can exact my revenge on Amy’s sweet little daughter. I’ve been looking for you for such a long time, and watching you for months now. Sneaking off out of prison, naughty girl. Younger versions of the Doctor I assume?’

She didn’t know. Kovarian didn’t know that the Doctor had survived Lake Silencio; she assumed that their timelines were just intertwining at different points.   
‘He hardly knows you, not even why you are in prison. Why would he ever come and rescue you?’  
‘Because he is a good man,’ argued River, her mind buzzing with possibilities.   
‘If you didn’t know, then I’m assuming he doesn’t. Shame he’ll never know his child.’  
‘How do you know that it’s his?’

The thought had been running through her mind since she realised that she was pregnant, and without thinking she blurted it out. River covered her mouth as if that would help, and cursed herself. Kovarian’s smile only widened.  
‘Have you been playing the field? You are terrible,’ she cackled.   
‘N-no, I-‘  
‘It’s not Baines.’

River’s heart stopped in her chest. That name, the name that haunted her nightmares, spoken by the woman who had ruined her life. It wasn’t possible. How did she know?

‘I…’  
‘I often wonder how you even gained a PhD,’ mocked Kovarian, ‘you’re so stupid it’s pathetic. I needed someone to keep an eye on you at close quarters, found a well placed guard with a grudge. He was all too happy to oblige.’  
‘No…no it can’t have been you…’  
‘An alliance, of sorts, with benefits for both parties. We took our revenge together. But trust me when I say I ensured that he was never going soil you in that way. You can imagine my surprise when you managed it all by yourself.’   
‘NO,’ River screamed, tears welling in her eyes. It was so twisted she could hardly wrap her head around it.   
‘Oh yes. I had plans for you Melody. I was going to hurt you in ways you don’t want to imagine; but you made it so much easier for me. You will have this baby, and then you’ll watch as I take it away. A new Time Lord, each cell a miracle; think of the things we could learn, the weapons we could make. We could build armies with a single piece of DNA. But be sure of this; that child will grow up to hate you, to despise you for leaving them with us and we will not be kind. You will hate your own existence, as will your baby.’

‘Why…’ she asked, her tone weak and her body trembling. There was nothing else to say. Her situation was so without hope, so horrific, that the fight seemed to drain from her body entirely. There was nothing left to live for.  
‘Because I can,’ Kovarian answered simply. 

The glass went dark again and River laid back down on the floor, curling into a ball. Tears spilled down her cheeks in silence, mourning every hope she had ever had. Her fingers went to the collar at her neck. Deadlocked. Even if the Doctor found her, she wasn’t going anywhere. Kovarian wasn’t stupid. There would be only one way to remove it, and it wouldn’t be a key or a code to leave lying around. Her life had been set out now, the remainder of her years would be spent in this room. 

River put a hand over her abdomen, feeling the smallest of curvatures there. She was losing weight, her ribs visible even through her dress, but there was something there. But River knew that Kovarian wasn’t lying. She was very much pregnant, and her child would be a Time Lord. In a different world, she considered, they might have had a family. She didn’t know how it would work, with meeting in the wrong order so often, but the Doctor would have made it work. He would make a wonderful father. 

‘200 units.’  
‘No,n-no that’s too much,’ Erickson protested.  
‘Do not question me,’ Kovarian barked. ‘DO IT.’  
He looked down at his shaking hands on the control panel. Only she knew how to release the band, or to activate and control it remotely, but there was a secondary system that could also deliver the shocks. He programmed in 200 units of artron energy to be released, noting the bright red flashes indicating how dangerous this level of energy was. As Erickson flicked the dial, he said a silent prayer and whispered, almost inaudibly, a simple word: sorry.

It felt like dying but without the calm release of death. River screamed, a desperate and horrific sound that could only come from someone in such pain that they had lost all control. Her hands went to her head, pulling at her hair as she lost all sense of herself. Her baby kicked softly at her stomach, but she couldn’t feel it. The darkness eventually took over, but the pain did not cease and as she lost consciousness the scream died in her throat, as she wished her body would follow in its path.


	18. Chapter 18

He waited outside the justice building on the second asteroid of the proclamation’s belt, sitting on a bench by a fountain too much like the one in Rome. It was hard for him to wait, so hard to sit there doing nothing when he knew that she was out there, but he knew this was where he needed to be. If there were no answers here, then there weren’t any.

‘I’m sorry,’ Leah Castamere whispered as she hurried over and took a seat beside him, ‘you can imagine what it’s been like in there.’  
‘Tell me something,’ begged the Doctor, ‘anything.’  
‘Well the fall-out from the trial has been massive. Half of the galactic government think she organised it and fled, even though it’s preposterous. The people controlling the Teselecta were under someone’s control, and those who remembered anything said that River didn’t do it. One of them says they remember seeing her being taken away by guards as they were summoned to the cell for the ‘job’ they were to undertake, but apparently that is not enough evidence for them. There were small samples of her blood found in one of the corridors, but they’re dismissing it. It’s as if they want her blamed so they can avoid having to look for who is really causing all of this.’  
‘How can they do this? How can they be so blind?’ 

Leah had never seen the Doctor so angry. He was trembling with rage, hardly able to hold it together; this man was broken.  
‘They have an easy explanation, even if they know it’s not the right one. But if anything good is to come out of this, their persistence in blaming her means that they want to find her so they are looking with every resource they have.’  
‘I’ve done everything, been everywhere asked everyone,’ he spat bitterly. Stopping himself, he apologised.  
‘No need,’ smiled Leah. ‘It just shows me how much you care about her.’  
‘She told me she would be fine, and I just…let her go.’  
‘None of this is your fault.’

He couldn’t answer her. He knew in his heart that this was all his doing, and no matter how hard he tried he couldn’t see a way to put it right.  
‘What about her, Charlotte Manton? I gave you the file.’  
‘She’s disappeared,’ Leah sighed, seeing the disappointment in the Doctor’s face. ‘It confirms to me at least that she was involved, and even Stormcage have started looking into her motives surrounding the trial. But I would guess that she is wherever River is.’

Nodding slowly, the Doctor smiled sadly.  
‘We had been getting along so well, connecting with each other in a new way. I even made her this.’  
He pulled a small ring out from a coat pocket and twiddled it between his fingers. The metal was silver though it seemed to shine almost blue as it caught the light. The diamond was hollow, and some sort of yellow smoke-like substances was floating within it.  
‘I…I’ve never seen anything like it.’  
‘The metal is from the heart of the Tardis, and I captured a breath of my regeneration energy I her energy; so I could always be with her, even when I wasn’t there. She never got a ring when we were married, or much of anything really, so I thought I owed her this at least.’  
There were tears in his eyes. Leah put a hand on his kindly.  
‘You will find her,’ she told him, ‘and when you do you can give her that and tell her what you just told me. Because every woman needs to hear that once in a while.’  
‘I’ve lost so many people…I’ve already lost her once,’ the Doctor sighed, a tear falling from his eye. ‘I can’t lost her again. I can’t live without her.’  
‘You won’t lose her.’  
The Doctor looked at his friend with a resigned and heartbroken expression, his young face tainted by years of pain.  
‘What if I already have?’

Xxx

Every day blurred into the next. River could only roughly estimate how long she had been in the room by how often they tried to bring her food. A day passed, then another until a week was gone. She didn’t move. She lay on the floor, curled slightly over with a hand over her abdomen which seemed even in this short time to have grown to a small bump. Every time the same man brought her food, someone young pretending to care, and every time she would say nothing until he eventually gave up. River could feel the baby kicking her now, quite distinctly, and she hated the love that she felt for the child already. She knew how this story ended, what would happen to them both, but even then her heart ached with love. 

Xxx

Erickson laid out the tray as he always did, knowing what River’s response to him would be. He had tried to talk to her, but he could understand why she despised him. He was part of it, part of hurting her and stealing her child. She wasn’t to know the truth.

He always insisted in taking it in himself, knowing that others would be harsher with her, but there was only so much he could do. Walking into the room, he put the tray down and knelt beside her. She hadn’t moved since the day before.  
‘River? I know you want me to leave and I will, but I have to try. You need to eat something. You’re going to hurt yourself, or your baby and I don’t want that to happen.’  
Like every other day she didn’t even turn to look at him, but something was different. He heard her speak, the softest sound and hardly audible. She wasn’t talking to him, but he listened and concentrated hard until he could make out the words.  
‘I’m sorry.’  
She repeated it over and over again, barely even whispering, and Erickson realised she was speaking to her baby. He decided against pushing the subject today, and took the tray out untouched.

As always, he disposed of some of the food to make it look like she had eaten something. After she hadn’t eaten for two days Kovarian had grown angry and punished her for it with extra doses of energy, torturing her until she fell unconscious. Since then, Erickson had done his best to cover up her persistence to spare her at least a little pain.

She was starving herself, and it was taking its toll on her body; perhaps she meant it to. Artron energy was already damaging enough to a non Time-Lord, and the only reason she was still alive was because of her altered DNA. If she carried on as she did, delivering her child would kill her. Erickson suspected that she had figured that out.

Madam Kovarian entered the room, and it was as if a cold shiver had descended.   
‘Well?’ she barked, expecting a coherent answer.  
‘She ate a little more,’ he lied, praying that he she wouldn’t question him.   
‘Scan.’  
Ericson programmed the computer to scan River’s body, thankfully a painless process, and ultrasound images of the child projected onto the screen. The heartbeats were only just visible, both perfectly in time and sounding stronger every day.   
‘How long before we can deliver?’ she asked, her eyes brightening as she saw her prize.  
‘She’s 25 weeks, so we would normally wait until 40. But with the enhanced growth of the child we could deliver at 30.’  
‘No sooner?’  
‘It may be possible sooner, we just need to see how the baby continues to respond.’  
‘If we gave it more, would it develop faster?’ Her eyes were heartless.  
‘I…yes, possibly, but the risk to the mother-‘  
‘The baby is our priority, Erickson, now answer me this if we gave her the maximum she could stand how long will it take?’  
‘I…I don’t…’  
‘TELL ME,’ she screamed, her fury emanating from her like heat from a fire.  
‘W-we might be able to deliver at 27 if w-we…’  
‘Do it then. Three times a day, up to maximum. If she dies before I get that baby I’ll kill you.’  
‘Y-yes ma’am.’

As she made to leave, Erickson breathed a sigh of relief. It was so close.  
Kovarian doubled back on herself and looked once more at the screens.  
‘Pull up her statistics for the last few days.’  
A lump formed in his throat. He had seen them, and he knew what she would find but as she fixed him with her icy glare there was nothing he could do. He typed in River’s name and the numbers came on the screen.  
‘That can’t be right,’ Kovarian muttered. ‘She can’t be deteriorating that fast; we’ve projected the effects of the artron pulses and she should be doing better than that.’  
‘I…I believe that as the baby g-grows then it takes more it n-needs more energy from its mother to survive.’  
‘Yes yes we’ve factored that in I ran the programs myself. What’s going on?’

She turned to him, and as he was unable to hold her gaze she just knew.  
‘No explanation?’ Kovarian asked calmly.  
‘N-not that I can think of,’ Erickson answered, feeling himself crumbling.  
‘No? Then I suppose your answer would remain the same if I sent the silence to visit out mutual friend.’  
His eyes grew wide with fear, and he finally looked at her.  
‘Please…’  
‘Tell me, and I’ll pretend that this never happened. Lie to me and we both know how it ends.’

He had to give in. His resolve broke, and he looked to River uttering a silent prayer. I’m so sorry, he thought, knowing that one day he was going to burn in hell.  
‘She…she hasn’t been eating.’  
‘Not at all,’ the older woman spat, her cheeks turning pink with anger.  
‘No…I’m sorry, I didn’t mean-‘  
‘Get two guards,’ she cut him off, storming out of the room, ‘and pray that I don’t send them to see your precious daughter.’

Xxx

River had been drifting in and out of consciousness for a few hours now. Sometimes she would wake, not knowing when she had fallen asleep, and quite often she would wander on the boundary between dreams and reality. In her dreams, he was there. They were living in the Tardis, the three of them; a family. Reality was too horrific for her to stay there all of the time.

She felt the collar begin to burn, forcing her back into the waking world and as the energy coursed through her veins she couldn’t help but scream. It seemed stronger this time, more powerful, and the pain was fresher. Her baby kicked, as if it sensed her agony, and when it finally subsided after what felt like an hour she felt as if she hardly had the energy to breathe. Colours danced before her eyes, and when she heard people entering the room she didn’t even have the energy to lift her head.

River felt them pinning down her arms, and saw in her haze Kovarian standing over her.   
‘Thought you could fool me that easily? You are going to survive this, my Melody, I assure you. You’re going to be just fine. And you will have to watch as I take away your baby and live through every unbearable day afterwards.’  
She felt a needle in each arm, and realised what they were doing. Trying to protest she flailed her arms, but she was too weak to move when they held her down. 

The darkness began to encroach, and just as she fell back into the daze of her dreams she heard that cold, cruel voice.  
‘Congratulations, by the way. You’re having a boy.’


	19. Chapter 19

The Doctor sat in the Tardis, the ring between his fingers. He scanned for her again, with no luck. And again. And again. There were only so many places she could be, and he had been to them all a hundred times at every point in time he could think of. He would never give in. He would search for her for the rest of his days if that’s what it took. That didn’t make it any easier.

Xxx

They had taken to tackling her every day, twice a day, and pinning her down as they injected her with supplements to keep her alive. They had increased her torture to three times a day, morning noon and night with chilling accuracy. But she had grown accustomed to that. What was worrying her now were the whispers she heard when she pretended to be sleeping. 

River knew nothing of Time Lord babies; the only person who did was the Doctor. She guessed that she was nearing the end of her sixth month, although her abdomen was still small beneath the shapeless dress they had forced her into. Yet she heard them talking about next week, about delivering her baby, her son. If they took him then would he not be weak, if not dying? Few babies survived…or were Time Lord children different? She didn’t know, but she did know that she had to do something before it was too late.

That night, she pretended to be sleeping when they came in with the needles. Today there were only two of them, and one watched the door as the other approached her; they thought her docile. They were wrong. With a swift movement, River kicked his leg, sending him sprawling to the floor. She rolled over and took the gun from the guard’s holster and pointed it at the other in the room before he even had the time to realise what was going on. She stood slowly, a hand protectively over her abdomen.  
‘You know me,’ she said weakly, her voice rasping after weeks of screaming and silence. ‘You know what I can do with a gun, so don’t even try. You, over by him.’ The guard on the floor, maybe twenty years old at most, scampered up and stood next to the other man.  
‘Now, you’re going to tell me how to get out of here’  
‘You can’t,’ the older one said simply. ‘You leave this room, you know what happens.’  
‘How do I get this off?’ she asked, her hands touching the cool metal around her neck.  
‘Only Kovarian knows how.’  
‘Not feeling very helpful today, are you?’ River took the safety off the gun and aimed it at the younger man’s chest. His eyes widened.  
‘Okay, let’s try something else then. Why can no-one find this place? What’s hiding it?’

‘I-It’s a perception filter,’ he stuttered.  
‘That’s not powerful enough, try again,’ she warned, moving closer.   
‘Please! It is, but it’s not a normal one. They used s-stolen technology, a chameleon circuit to disguise it, make it undetectable and everyone inside it lost to the universe.’  
Time was running out, but now River knew what she had to do.  
‘Communicator, now.’  
The young soldier, hands trembling, handed her his computer and she took it, backing away to the wall. River dropped the useless gun and set to work, typing vigorously as the guards ran. She had seconds. If she was clever enough, very clever…

Xxx

It was a bleep. Just a small one, but enough for the Doctor to jump to his feet and run to the screen that was flashing and making the noise. A signal, a message…co-ordinates. The Doctor felt his heart thumping in his chest; it was her. Of course it was her. The message disappeared after a few seconds, and although he scanned he could find no trace of it. Whatever she had been using to send the message had been cut off. A million terrifying thoughts ran through his mind as to why that would be but he pushed them aside; that wasn’t going to help her now. He remembered the co-ordinates and set in a course, begging her to hang on until he could get there.

Xxx

Erickson looked up from the console and held his breath as he watched River fight the guards who had come to give her the daily injection that kept her alive and grab the communicator. As the others ran to alert Madam Kovarian, he watched River working quickly and knew what she was trying to do. 

In that moment, he had a choice to make. He was alone, for now, and River was there trying desperately to send some sort of communication; he could help her, or he could stand by and watch. It wasn’t a position he wanted to be in. This was a job he hadn’t wanted or asked for, but the ill health of his daughter had forced him to take it. The Silence needed scientists, and Kovarian had drafted him specifically for the job of watching over their Time Lord baby. 

He knew that the only way to save his daughter was to use the influence and resources he would have access to working for them, and though it sickened him to do so he had taken it. He hadn’t known that they would use his greatest weakness against him, threatening to find and kill his daughter if he didn’t comply. It was the only thing that kept him going each day, but now it was going too far. River was an innocent woman, one of the strongest and bravest he had ever known, and there was no excuse for what she had been through. Taking her baby away would kill her, of that there was little doubt, and even if they somehow managed to keep her alive through the process then he was sure that her life would not be worth living. His decision was made. It had gone too far. 

He ran quickly to the open door into River’s room, though she didn’t look up from the device she was holding.   
‘I know what you’re trying to do,’ Erickson said, ‘and I won’t stop you.’  
River’s brow wrinkled in confusion and her eyes darted up to survey him for a second before she continued her task.   
‘You can’t leave this room with that collar on, even if he does get here,’ he reminded her.  
‘Then help me,’ she asked simply.  
‘I’ll try and deactivate it, but it’s going to take time. You’ll need to stall Kovarian as long as you can, and I…I don’t know what she’ll try and do.’  
River met his eyes and nodded. There was no fear there, not anymore, only resignation. There were so many ways to die, but she wanted to go down fighting and if this was to be the last stand she was ready for it.

Erickson gave her a quick smile and went back to the controls, already hearing the tap of Kovarian’s heels coming down the hall. Quickly, he re-routed main power to a console in a side room and nipped out of sight just as she came around the corner, beginning to work on disabling the device around River’s neck. He only hoped the Doctor would get there in time.

Xxx

Kovarian could see no-one in the control room, not the most unusual thing late at night, so instead went straight into River’s room. She had a gun which she held in a shaky hand, though still aiming for the older woman’s head.  
‘What do you think that’s going to achieve, hmm?’ Kovarian asked, her voice colder than ice.   
‘Your death,’ River answered simply, willing her legs to hold her up and her hands to remain steady.  
Kovarian smiled humourlessly and pulled a small device from her pocket.  
‘You can’t kill me,’ she grinned, ‘because I can kill you before that gun can do any damage at all.’  
‘I don’t care,’ argued River.  
‘Oh, but you care for that baby. I can kill you both, if I press the right thing. It wouldn’t take much.’  
‘Go on then,’ River dared her. Kovarian laughed.   
‘I know you, Melody Pond,’ she mocked. ‘You can’t help it but you’re attached to that child, to his child. It leeches the very life from you every day, and yet you love it. You love him. You won’t let anything happen to him.’  
A single tear ran down River’s cheek; she was right, of course, although it pained her to admit it. She had hidden the communicator in the waistband of her underwear, hoping that she could keep Kovarian from knowing that the Doctor was coming. That was the only thought that was keeping her sane; he was nearly here.

‘Melody,’ Kovarian whispered almost softly, stepping towards her and reaching to wipe the tear from her cheek, ‘don’t cry. By this time tomorrow your son will be born. He’ll be raised as all Time Lords should be…’  
Her expression darkened. ‘In a cage.’

Kovarian hit the button on the device and River couldn’t control the cry that escaped her lips as pain coursed through her body, like fire in her veins. Her vision went black for a moment, her legs wobbling, and she had to reach out to the wall to keep herself upright. Come on Doctor, she prayed silently, taking heaving breaths to try and abate the screaming in her muscles. 

The lightning pain returned again too quickly, without warning. This time it was worse, stronger that it had ever been before and River was forced down harshly to her knees bending over her abdomen with her hands curling into fists. The communicator fell from its hiding place, clattering to the floor and she knew that the game was up. 

‘What’s that?’   
But of course, she already knew. Kovarian felt her own heartbeat speed up. No, she couldn’t possibly…she couldn’t have called him.   
‘You ungrateful bitch…’ she stuttered, ‘what have you done?’  
‘C-Called….my…husband…’ River choked out, lifting her head with dignity and smiling. She could see that the woman was scared, her eyepatch not able to hide the fear in the knowledge that the Doctor was coming. Her face darkened as she looked down at the woman who had, as usual, foiled her plans.  
‘You’ll die for this. You and your baby.’

Everything stopped. Time, thought, the universe…it all meant nothing. The pain became her everything, her body lost and her soul drowning in a sea of agony. This was it, thought River. This was death. She hadn’t managed to save her child, their child, for she was sure that this was more than either of them could take. The sea began to part, giving way into blackness. To death. But then, though it felt as though it had gone on forever, it gave way.

‘What?’ Kovarian puzzled, pressing the button over and over again but growling in frustration as nothing happened. River slowly opened her eyes, trying to organise her mind rationally in the few seconds of consciousness she had managed to scrape together before the inevitable darkness. She had to use them to her advantage. With all of the will in the world, she got her hand to move and her fingers wrapped around the gun that had fallen beside her. Kovarian didn’t even notice as she picked it up and aimed it at her. There was no grand moment of confrontation, no great realisations or dramatic speeches. River fired, and Madam Kovarian died before she hit the ground. It was over far simpler than it had begun. And with that knowledge River closed her eyes, wondering whether the sound of the TARDIS was the call to heaven.

Xxx

As soon as the Doctor landed he bolted out of the doors. They were at a space station in the middle of an unmapped region of space, somewhere in the 52nd Century. It had been cloaked in a way he hadn’t known existed, though he still cursed himself for not being able to figure it out. None of that mattered now. He just needed to find her.

The TARDIS had landed exactly where she had told him, and it appeared to be some sort of control room. He looked around but saw no-one, feeling panic rise in his chest. He had expected guards, Silence, something, but not this.   
‘Doctor?’  
He span around to see a man in a lab coat coming out from an adjacent room. He was about to corner him, to grab him by the collar and force him against the wall until he told him where River was; but there was no need. The man simply pointed to the open door just around the corner.  
‘I’m sorry,’ he said genuinely, ‘I tried.’

Not knowing or caring what he meant, the Doctor ran to the door and was faced with a nightmare. He saw Madam Kovarian lying across the floor, good eye still open and glazed over in death. Behind her was River crumpled in a heap with the gun still in hand and her hair sprawled beneath her.  
‘River,’ he breathed, ignoring Kovarian and dropping to her side. She was cold, unresponsive as he stroked her hair back. ‘River, please.’ But no breath escaped her lips, and there was no pulse when he checked her neck. She was gone.  
It was only then that he noticed. Her arm was hanging loosely over her abdomen, and as he took her hand in his own he saw what was concealed beneath it. The tears that had been burning in his eyes started to fall, and he was sure that he would never be able to stop them. She was pregnant. His child… they had wanted his child, their child, just as they had wanted River. A true Time Lord child, the greatest weapon of all. It made him feel sick, and he wished that Kovarian had lived long enough for him to tell her just how awful she was before he killed her himself. 

Hatred bubbled darkly in his chest and he wanted to hit something, someone, anyone. He wanted to turn his back on the universe and run because it had never in all these years been so cruel. She had died alone, in pain, and fighting as she waited for him to help her. He hadn’t had the chance to say goodbye. Everything that mattered to him, every little thing, was gone. And a blissful happiness he hadn’t even known of had been ripped away before he had even had the chance to cherish the thought. 

Somewhere, through the anger and the pain, the Doctor’s mind drifted. Her hand was warm where he held it, and he remembered being on the TARDIS after that awful night before her trial when she had been beaten to within an inch of her life. And then it came to him.

It hadn’t made sense then, why the regeneration energy had been enough to heal her even with the help of the untempered time vortex. But if she had been pregnant, then the child would have had the capacity for regeneration. Even in the early foetal stages the baby could have given her enough energy to keep her alive, and it had. And, if they were very lucky, they it could again.

The Doctor gathered River in his arms and begged her to hold on, running into the TARDIS and not looking back. Whatever was behind him was behind both of them now, and dwelling on the past would not help them in the future. He lay her down gently on the floor and without instruction the TARDIS doors closed and they flew gently off, travelling through the vortex without landing.

‘Come on,’ he willed, taking River’s hand and kissing it, ‘come on River you can do this. Come back to me.’  
It happened so quickly that he almost didn’t have time to take it in. She woke with a gasp, her eyes flying open as her entire body became engulfed in the brightest yellow glow he had ever seen. It took a moment for her eyes to focus, her breathing rapid and shallow, but when her eyes settled on her husband she didn’t even try to hold back the tears.

The Doctor gathered River into his arms, holding tightly onto her as she sobbed gently into his shoulder. This was no time to be strong, and neither of them felt that they could be. He noticed how thin her frame was, her arms like twigs and her ribs palpable even through her dress, and he dreaded to think of what awful things she must have endured over the past few months.   
‘I’m so sorry,’ he choked, clinging onto her as though their lives depended on it.  
‘You found me,’ she whispered, hugging him back just as desperately, ‘never be sorry for that.’  
He pulled back and let her rest her head against his chest, wrapping his arms around her protectively.   
‘The baby…I didn’t even know.’  
‘Neither did I,’ admitted River, ‘but they did.’  
‘Is it…I mean…’ the Doctor stuttered, not sure how to phrase his question.  
‘He’s fine,’ she assured him. ‘They’ve been dosing me with artron energy; they wanted to delivery him early to get me out of the way.’  
‘Artron energy?’ The Doctor’s blood ran cold. He knew exactly the damage that could be done to someone without regenerative powers with artron energy, and by the shudder that ran through his wife he suspected she did too. ‘But River, that…that’s barbaric. They could have killed you.’  
‘They almost did,’ she reminded him, starting to come back to herself. 

They sat in silence for a moment, holding each other, before River stiffened and the Doctor felt his heart quicken nervously.  
‘What is it?’ he asked at once.  
‘I don’t know,’ she mumbled, ‘I-ah!’  
A hand flew to her abdomen and the Doctor felt as though he were about to explode in panic.  
‘What? What’s happening? Are you alright?’  
‘I think so,’ she said slowly, her tear stained face looking up at him, ‘but I think that was a contraction.’  
His eyes widened. ‘The baby? Now?’  
She nodded, unable to disguise her own fear. ‘It’s too early,’ she whispered, tears welling in her eyes.  
‘It’s going to be fine,’ he assured her, seeing the distress she was in and knowing that him panicking would only make matters worse, ‘I promise.’  
‘Don’t say that,’ she said, starting to hyperventilate ‘you never keep your promises.’  
He kissed her forehead fiercely. ‘I swear to you that this is one I will not break. If it’s natural then maybe we can stop it, if we get you to a hospital.’   
He helped her unsteadily to her feet and kept an arm around her as they walked slowly up to the console and he left her clinging to the railings as he went to input the co-ordinates for the hospital he had taken her after she had saved his life in Germany what felt like a million years ago. As soon as they were on their way he went back to her, encircling and arm around her waist and letting her lean her weight on him. She groaned again, a hand covering her protruding abdomen.

‘I’m not ready for this,’ she muttered. ‘I can’t do it.’  
‘Of course you can, you’re amazing,’ the Doctor told her kissing her temple. ‘I wish you didn’t have to, not now and not after everything, but we’re going to get through this. It’s going to be okay.’

As they landed the Doctor helped her to walk towards the door, but part way a strong contraction ripped through her and she began to lose her fight, gripping onto him as her body failed her. Lifting her into his arms the Doctor carried her, watching her lose consciousness in his arms despite his pleas for her to wake up. Her breathing was shallow but steady, and he knew that she simply didn’t have the energy to stay awake any longer. She had been through hell, and he was sure that there was more she would tell him that would chill him to the core, and now she was faced with the birth of a child, their son. It was too much. 

The Doctor jogged out into the corridor, holding her tightly in his arms and called over the first nurse he saw. They were quick to bring a gurney and he lay her down as they scanned her with small instruments and murmured amongst themselves. He didn’t understand what they were saying, concentrating instead on holding River’s hand tightly and brushing the sweaty hair from her forehead.   
‘I promise,’ he whispered, ‘I promise you it will be alright.’  
She groaned, moving as though restless with a hand still over where their child still lay.

‘We have to take her to surgery,’ the nurse said, ‘please stand back.’  
‘What?’  
Before he had time to register what was happening, the Doctor was pushed back and lost the grip he had on River’s hand as she was wheeled away.  
‘Wait, what’s happening? Where are you taking her?’   
They didn’t reply, and he was left to sit and wait as they disappeared with the lives of his wife and unborn child hanging in the balance.

Xxx

Pain. Woozy. Fear. Those were the first thoughts that came to River’s mind as she started to come back to consciousness. When her eyes first opened the lights were too bright, and for a fleeting moment she wondered whether this was heaven. Her rational brain soon dismissed that theory. Surely in heaven you felt far less nauseous.

‘River?’  
His voice was enough to bring her around, though as she tried to sit up a sharp pain lanced across her abdomen and she moaned lying back down.  
‘Don’t get ahead of yourself,’ he warned her gently, resting a hand on her arm reassuringly, ‘you’ve been through a lot.’  
‘I don’t…’ she started, trying to put together the disjointed fractions of memories that were coming back to her. Kovarian, TARDIS, pain…labour…  
‘Where is he? Is he here? Is he okay?’ She started to panic, trying to sit up again and hissing as the pain once again brought her back.

The Doctor pressed a button to elevate the top half of her bed so that she was able to see her surroundings more and went over to the cradle by her side, picking up the small squirming bundle gently and bringing him to her.  
‘He’s perfect,’ the Doctor said, a tear in his eye. River watched in awe as he brought over their son, almost unconsciously holding out her arms for him. The Doctor handed the baby to her, and at once he stopped wriggling just looking up at his mother and reaching up a hand towards her face.  
‘Hello there,’ she breathed, bringing her hand up to meet his and feeling warmth spread through her as he grabbed at her finger and held on tightly. She looked up at the Doctor, her eyes glistening.  
‘You kept your promise,’ she breathed, ‘he’s alright. He’s amazing.’   
‘I told you I would.’   
He bent down and kissed her head as her gaze returned to the small child who, with one hand grasping his mother’s finger, was starting to fall asleep.   
‘What do we call him?’ the Doctor asked.   
‘Hmm,’ River thought for a moment. ‘How about Jack?’  
‘I like it,’ he grinned. ‘Jack Rory Song.’   
‘That’s beautiful.’

The Doctor sat on the side of the bed and put an arm around her, hardly able to believe what he had before him. They stayed in silence, not needing to say a word. They would talk, they would cry, and they would both apologise and forgive things that needn’t have been offered. But they would get through it, together. As a family. 

THE END


End file.
